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Have you ever been the cause?
Of yourself?
Doing something really ridiculous?
So right now?
I feel congested.
My head feels like it's blowing up.
I woke up feeling nauseous.
Not like because I've eaten something?
But because?
It feels like there's something in my throat.
I've also been sleeping?
With my window open?
At like 50-something degrees.
And Then I Wonder Why I Feel Sick
I recognize?
That it makes no sense.
Especially since?
The house that I'm at?
Keeps the AC going as well.
And so what I do?
Is I make my room freezing cold.
And then?
I bury underneath all these blankets.
And then I wonder:
Gee.
Why do I feel sick?
But as I was thinking about that today?
I realized?
I do things like that?
With a lot of different things.
I Had an 11 O’Clock Meet and Greet
Today?
I woke up?
And I had a meet and greet?
That I'm supposed to have?
At 11.
No big deal.
Got up in time.
Got dressed.
Was early.
10:45.
10:50.
11 o'clock.
11:05.
Okay.
Well?
Is this still happening?
So I reach out?
And I ask.
And I'm just like:
Yeah.
Let me check in?
With the other person?
See what's going on.
And so?
They check in.
And it's like:
They said just ten more minutes.
Okay.
I’ve Got to Respect My Own Time
11:15.
11:25.
By 11:30?
They've gotten on.
And it was—
I was getting frustrated.
But?
Not frustrated enough?
To do something about it.
Because at the same time?
I've got to respect?
My own time.
Right?
And I didn't do that.
I sat.
And I waited.
And I do that?
A lot.
I demand respect?
Inside.
But outwardly?
I don't really say anything.
That Doesn’t Make a Whole Lot of Sense
Doesn't make?
A whole lot of sense.
I'm obviously not gonna get?
What I need?
By allowing everybody?
To walk all over me like that.
That's just?
That's not how that works.
And so?
I've just been like that?
All day today.
I Had This Strong Craving for Birria Tacos
I was just:
Oh my gosh.
I had this strong craving?
For birria tacos.
They sound so amazing?
Right now.
And so I said:
Okay.
I'm gonna find a place.
I'm gonna get up.
I'm going to leave my house.
Because as of recently?
Me and DoorDash?
Are like?
The best of friends.
I'm going to get up?
And leave my house?
To go get birria.
This Does Not Look Like the Place
And I get up?
And I go.
And first?
I'm like:
This does not look like the place.
Let me circle back again.
And I use just that?
To find out?
That they're closed.
And the normal reaction?
Is:
Okay.
They're closed.
Maybe have something else.
My reaction?
I got up?
And got out of bed?
To eat at this specific place.
Now?
I'm just not eating anything.
I'm just done.
I am done?
For the day.
I Did Eat, Don’t Worry
I did eat.
Don't worry.
I did end up DoorDashing something.
I did end up DoorDashing?
Birria quesadillas.
They were not the same.
It didn't even come?
With the consommé.
Which kind of made me mad?
Because that's part?
Of the birria experience.
But?
I feel like things like that happen often?
Where I kind of?
Set myself up?
To fail.
It Had a Number I Could Call
It had a number?
Where I could call?
The order.
And because of?
My inability to call people?
Apparently?
Because I don't like doing it?
I was like:
No.
No.
I'll just drive there.
And in my head?
I know I'm gonna try again tomorrow?
Hoping for a different result?
Instead of?
Just calling.
Because?
Using the phone is hard.
Sometimes?
I just set myself up?
For failure.
Excuse me.
And I don't mean?
To do that.
Tonight I’m Trying Something New
Okay.
Tonight?
I'm trying something new.
I am trying a new drink?
That—
It's new to me.
But in the same wheelhouse?
As the things?
That I usually drink.
It's a tea.
It sounded really good.
So I said:
Okay.
Let me buy it.
And then?
There was another tea drink?
That was offered.
And like:
That also sounds good.
Let me buy it.
So I Bought Two Drinks
So?
I bought two drinks.
I'm waiting for them?
To be delivered.
Don't need two drinks.
No.
But?
They both sounded good.
And I couldn't choose.
So?
I got both.
Although?
I'm worried?
That I'm not gonna like?
Either of them.
But that's how my brain works.
Well?
How about we try one?
And see if we even like the place?
No.
No.
That would make sense.
We’re Not in the Business of Making Sense
And we're not in the business?
Of making sense.
We're in the business?
Of making decisions.
Even when they're wrong.
I stand on that.
So?
I am patiently waiting?
For my two drinks?
To get delivered.
So that I can hopefully?
Enjoy them.
And if not?
I'm gonna be?
Very sad?
And thirsty.
I Have a Drink in the Fridge
I have a drink in the fridge.
But?
It's root beer.
And I really don't want?
Root beer.
I mean?
I like root beer.
I just don't want?
Root beer.
Because that's always?
How it works.
I will have something?
And not want?
What I have.
Which is?
The story of my life?
In all things.
But What If I Could Be Happier?
Hey.
I have this great guy.
Mmm.
Yeah.
But?
Can I have like?
Greater?
Like?
Is there better?
Well?
But what you have is great.
Yeah.
But—
Nope.
There's no buts.
Just live your life?
And be happy.
But?
What if?
I could be happier?
You know?
What if?
What if it could just?
Be perfect?
Girl.
There is no perfect.
Like?
Snap out of it.
I Am Really Good at Sabotaging Myself
And it's not that?
Things can't be great.
They can be.
But I also know?
That I am really good?
At sabotaging myself.
And the things that I want?
And the things that I need?
By being ultra picky.
And ultra:
But what if?
But what if?
And as much as?
That quality about me?
Annoys me?
It amuses me?
Even more.
It just makes me feel?
Silly.
In Some Areas of My Life, It Works Really Well
Because in some areas?
Of my life?
It works really well.
When it comes down to jobs?
I strive for a job?
That I like.
That pays me well.
That's going to respect my time.
Despite today?
Not respecting my time.
But when it comes to?
Relationships?
Or foods?
There are tons of things?
That I like to eat.
And that in theory?
I would like to try.
But because?
I already like something?
In this wheelhouse?
It's a wrap.
Folks?
Can't do it.
Sorry, I Don’t Make the Rules
Sorry.
I don't make the rules.
But?
I do follow them.
And I recognize?
That's actually not how that works.
But?
It's one of my silly quirks.
And I've learned?
To just accept?
Some of the things?
That I do.
My Bite of Pie
My Bite of Pie today?
Let's see.
I did?
I very well got up?
Got dressed?
And got out of the house today.
I was so proud of myself.
Because?
I look for every excuse?
Not to leave my house?
When I don't have to.
And today?
I'm like:
No.
I'm going to get dressed.
I'm gonna grab my wallet?
And my shoes.
I'm gonna grab my keys.
I'm gonna hit the road.
And Then It Reinforced Why I Don’t Do That
And then?
Like?
It reinforced?
Why I don't do that.
I will try again.
I will have to get over?
The idea?
That today did not work.
It's okay?
That today did not work.
It was a gorgeous day outside.
You wouldn't know?
Because I blacked out my room?
And then was like:
Nope.
Done for the day.
I am clocking out.
It Was Just Simple
And it wasn't?
A bad day.
It was just?
Simple.
Silly.
But?
In the best of ways.
I'm hoping?
Tomorrow's better.
We will see.
I have a plan?
For how I want tomorrow?
To go.
But?
I feel like?
If I say it out loud?
It won't happen.
Which is weird.
Because everyone's like:
Speak things into existence.
And I'm like:
If I say it out loud?
That's the exact opposite?
That's gonna happen.
Again?
Silly me.
It's how I work.
And You Think I Closed My Window?
But today?
Has been?
In a nutshell?
A great day.
Besides the fact?
That I feel sick?
With my window open.
And you think?
I closed my window?
No.
No.
Because again?
That would make sense.
Hey.
You feel sick.
That's probably because?
Of the cold.
You should close your window.
Nah.
We can't do that.
It feels good?
Even though?
It feels bad.
That’s the Story of My Life
I feel like?
That's the story of my life.
It feels good?
To do it?
Even though I know?
That's gonna hurt me later.
So?
Let's keep up the trend.
I don't know.
Today?
That's how I'm writing?
My story.
Current me?
Is just throwing caution?
To the wind.
Future me?
Is going to be really upset?
When I'm actually sick.
Again.
Because?
I don't like taking medicine.
Sometimes It’s Okay to Do the Silly Things
But?
Sometimes?
It's okay?
To do the silly things.
Sometimes?
It's okay?
To not have everything together.
Not have everything?
Be perfect.
I can live like that.
See?
Not feeling well.
So just remember:
Today is another page in the story.
It does not have to be perfect.
It just has to be written.
Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:
What was your bite of pie today?
Until tomorrow,
Love you loud.
