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Have you ever stopped to think?
About the changes you're making?
In your life?
Not that you are better?
To the point where?
You don't need to continue changing.
But it's—
It's like?
You notice?
That you handle things differently.
That's what I'm feeling.
I'm handling things differently.
I'm having better conversations.
I'm controlling my emotions.
It's better.
Today Was Just an Easy Day
So today?
I was having a typical day.
Got up.
Did breakfast.
Just kind of relaxed?
Before I went into work.
Nothing special.
Nothing big.
Just?
An easy day.
And it indeed?
Was just an easy day.
I talked to a friend today.
And I think?
It was in the way?
I approached the conversation?
That made it different.
I Felt Like I Was a Disappointment
First?
I talked to one friend.
And I felt really crappy.
I felt like?
I was a disappointment.
Because she's really important to me?
And I've been missing her life.
And that's on me.
Because?
I could do so much better.
And then?
It was learning?
The things that were going on?
In her life.
And I was like:
Wow.
I am really absent.
I Just Kind of Fall Back
And then I started to think?
Just how absent?
I am?
In other people's lives.
That I just?
Kind of fall back.
I don't necessarily mean?
To do it.
I just get caught up?
In my own head.
And I just—
Fall apart?
I guess.
So this morning?
I wanted her to know?
I was thinking of her.
And I reached out to her.
I Literally Missed This Big Thing in Her Life
And she let me know?
That she had sent me?
A message on TikTok.
And somehow?
I had completely missed it?
Because TikTok?
Is a pain in my butt recently.
And I got on there?
And I was like:
Oh my gosh.
I literally missed?
This big thing?
In her life.
And I apologized.
Because?
I wasn't intentional?
In any way?
Shape?
Or form.
And she deserved?
So much more excitement?
And enjoyment?
In that moment.
And I felt really bad?
That I let her down.
I Could Do That Better
But then?
Even after talking to her?
I think that's when?
I started to discover?
How different I am.
How the small changes?
Have come about.
Because?
I would've beat myself up?
Really badly.
And it's not that?
I'm not sorry?
For what I did?
Or for being so absent.
I am.
But?
I didn't turn it into?
This personal:
You suck at everything?
Kind of deal.
I took it as:
I could do that better.
I could work on that.
There Were Other Relationships Where I Just Fall Silent
And then?
As I was processing?
All of that?
It occurred to me?
That there were other relationships?
Where I just fall silent.
So I was talking?
To another friend today.
And I was like:
Well?
You know?
Here's an update on my life.
Because?
I've been really quiet.
And they were just?
Really appreciative?
That I updated them as well.
It felt good?
To talk to them.
It felt good?
To get things off my chest.
I Wasn’t Expecting a Response Like I Usually Do
But I think?
What was the most important part?
Of that?
Was?
When I said things?
I wasn't expecting?
A response?
Like I usually do.
So when I?
In the past?
Have shared:
This is what's going on?
With my life.
I expected someone?
To come back?
With equally as much information.
Because?
That told me?
That I was a part?
Of their life.
Or?
I needed the reassurance?
That you wanted me?
To be a part?
Of your life.
And today?
That wasn't—
That wasn't the case.
There You Go. That’s the Update.
I spoke about my life.
And what was going on.
And I was just kinda like:
There you go.
That's the update.
And I didn't look for:
Yes.
You're important.
Yes.
I'm glad you told me.
It was just?
There's the information.
And I got back responses.
And the responses?
Were all nice.
But?
It was the lack?
Of expecting it.
I Have Gotten So Used to Fighting for Reassurance
I have gotten so used?
To fighting for reassurance?
That I don't know?
How to settle?
In my own words.
It sounds crazy.
Because what I mean is?
I have to have someone?
Approve?
Or check off?
What I'm saying.
Oh my gosh.
You said that?
That's correct.
Oh my gosh.
That means a lot.
But?
My words mean something?
Even when somebody?
Doesn't agree with them.
Even when someone?
Doesn't like them.
Even when?
They're not appreciated.
Today It Was Speaking My Peace and Being Okay With It
And so today?
It was speaking my peace?
And then?
Being okay with it.
I did just that.
I didn't need you?
To give me this praise?
That I didn't need.
I just?
Was okay.
I was able?
To tell someone?
That I love them?
And not care?
If they said it back.
And maybe?
Not caring?
Isn't the correct term.
I just wasn't?
Waiting to hear it.
My Loving Them Wasn’t Based on Them Loving Me
Because?
My loving them?
Wasn't based?
On them loving me.
And in the past?
Everything has been based on:
Oh my gosh.
How are they gonna feel about that?
Oh my gosh.
Am I bothering them?
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
But?
It was always?
In my head.
It was in my head.
Today I Gave Myself a Much Needed Break
So today?
I did lots of that.
Today?
I gave myself?
A much needed break.
I laughed.
I joked.
I played.
I did schoolwork.
I had?
A really good day.
There are still?
Some things?
That I'm figuring out.
I realize?
That there's still?
Some emotion?
That I'm not dealing with.
That I'm not processing.
And it'll come?
In its own due time.
I don't have to have?
Everything figured out?
Right this moment.
I Can’t Rush Growth
It's okay?
For me to change?
And to grow?
At my own pace.
I can't rush growth.
I might want to.
I might want to decide?
That overnight?
My mental health?
Should just be better.
But?
That's not how it works.
Every day?
I'm changing.
Every day?
I'm learning.
And that's okay.
Sometimes I’m Gonna Get It Wrong
Sometimes?
I'm gonna get it wrong.
And I'm going to be angry?
When I get it wrong.
I'm going to be upset?
With myself.
It's okay.
I can try again.
And some days?
I'm gonna do things?
So perfectly?
That I'm going to doubt myself.
Like:
I had to have done?
Something wrong.
There's no way?
I understood that.
There's no way?
I pulled that off.
Something doesn't make sense.
Maybe You’re Learning and You’ve Just Gotten Better
And those days?
Are okay too.
Because?
I'll talk myself through it.
And I'll say:
You know what?
Maybe you're learning.
And you've just?
Gotten better.
Maybe I've gotten better?
With working through?
My emotions.
Or talking them through.
Or thinking them through.
Maybe I've gotten better?
With using?
My wise mind?
And my rational mind?
My emotional mind?
Maybe I've learned?
How to put all those together.
And?
Life's just working out.
What If I’m Just Learning How to Be the Way I Need to Be?
What if that's the case?
What if?
I'm just learning?
How to be?
The way that I need to be?
I'm changing.
And it doesn't matter?
If everybody else?
Sees the change.
I know?
That there's a change.
And at some point?
That has to outweigh?
What everybody else thinks?
That they notice?
And they see.
I’m Not Living Life for Them
I'm not living life?
For them.
I have one life?
To live.
And I have to make?
The most of it.
Regardless?
Of what anybody else thinks.
So?
I'm working on changing.
And I'm seeing?
The changes.
I'm noticing?
The changes.
I'm liking?
The changes.
And that's?
The best that I can do.
My Bite of Pie
My Bite of Pie today?
I saw someone struggling.
And I took action.
I didn't wait?
To be told.
I didn't wait?
For them to ask?
For help.
I saw a need?
And I just fulfilled it.
And I think?
Sometimes?
We forget?
How hard it is?
To ask for help.
We see people drowning?
And we expect them?
To always say:
I'm drowning.
And that's not always?
How that works.
I Saw Them Struggling and Said, Here, Let Me Help You
I saw them drowning.
I saw them struggling.
And I said:
Here.
Let me help you.
And I did?
Just that.
I helped.
And then?
When it was all said and done?
They came and were like:
Did you do that?
And I said:
Yes.
Thank you.
I saw?
That they needed the help.
I took care?
Of the things?
That they needed.
That's how it works.
I Wasn’t Looking for Praise
I wasn't looking?
For a thank you.
I wasn't looking?
For praise.
I saw somebody?
Who needed somebody else?
To step in.
And that's?
All it should take.
Hey.
You saw me struggling?
And you said:
Hey.
Here's my hand.
That's my Bite of Pie today.
You Can Be Proud of the Changes You’re Making
So if you are learning?
And you're growing?
And you're changing?
I'm glad?
To have you here with me.
I'm glad?
That you see?
That there are some things?
That you could work on.
And that it's okay?
To work on them?
And not be ashamed of it.
You can be proud?
Of the changes?
That you're making.
Because?
They're meaningful?
To you.
And that's?
All that matters.
Today?
We just write?
A new page.
We make it?
As great as we can.
Because we just remember:
Today is another page in the story.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
It just has to be written.
Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:
What was your bite of pie today?
Until tomorrow,
Love you loud.
