Dear Sick Me: Taking Care of Me Is the Ultimate Thing to Do

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Do you ever wake up feeling like you were in a full-fledged fight in your sleep?

As if your body just went through these physical paces.

It just feels sore.

And painful.

This morning I woke up and I was in terrible pain.

I went to sleep at a fairly decent time.

I went to bed fairly easily.

I pretty much slept through the night.

There were no issues with that.

But at some point in time I woke up and I had this splitting headache.

And I couldn't shake it.

It Was Bad Enough I Needed to Take Something

Generally speaking, I am not a huge fan of medication.

I just don't want to take it if it's not absolutely necessary.

The night before last, when I went to bed, I'd taken my meds and some Aleve and said:

Okay.

It was bad enough I needed to take something.

And I laid down.

I got up this morning and everything just hurt.

I felt nauseous.

My head was pounding.

It hurt to move.

If I turned my head too quickly, it felt like my brain moved slowly.

I was just suffering.

I Went Right Back to Sleep

I got up and went to my couch.

I said:

Okay.

I'm going to lay here for a little while and see if that helps.

Knocked out.

Went right back to sleep.

When I woke up from laying on my couch, I said I was going to try moving around and doing a bit of things.

I came and sat in my office.

And I still just felt drained.

So I went back to bed.

This Is Obviously Not Working

At some point in time I decided:

Okay.

This is obviously not working.

I need to take more medicine.

So I took more medicine.

I laid down.

And I knocked out.

It's like six o'clock.

I don't get sick easily.

I don't get sick quickly.

My immune system's pretty intact.

So I am forced to believe that my being sick has more to do with mental than it does physical.

That is often why I get sick.

Recently I've Been Extremely Stressed

For those of you who watch my podcast regularly, you know that I've been dealing with some big moves and changes.

And it has me just exhausted.

I'm trying to figure out so many things in so little time.

All the moving pieces have to fit together so perfectly to pull it off.

And I'm wondering if I'm getting sick because I'm afraid to go forward.

Or if because I'm not supposed to.

Who's Going to Help Take Care of Me?

My first assumption in getting sick is:

Well.

If I get sick somewhere else, who's going to help take care of me?

I won't have anybody there.

Then I have to remind myself that I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

But I think my body and my mind right now are working together to convince me that I can't do anything other than what I'm doing right now.

I Look for Ways Out of Things

That happens often.

I look for ways out of things when I am not comfortable.

When I'm not brave enough to do them.

I look for excuses because that's the easiest way to back out of something.

Well, I had to because of this.

I needed to because of that.

When in reality—

I still chose to.

We Look for Something Else as a Reason

Oftentimes in mental health, we look for excuses for the things that we do.

And when I say excuses, I don't mean that we believe what we're doing is okay.

Or that it should be dismissed.

We just look for something else as a reason to make a decision.

Instead of it being that we left a bad situation, we stayed in that situation because:

Well, we owed it to everybody else.

It would have messed up too many things.

We would have broken up a family.

So on and so forth.

Logically, It Does Make Sense to Us

That's hard because you can't explain that to someone who's never been in that position.

You can't explain to them that logically, for us, it does make sense that we would stay in a situation that's rough.

Or hard.

Or harming us.

We can find a reason.

A healthy reason.

A healthy solution even.

Why that should be the case.

I've Stayed Because Things Aren't That Bad

I have stayed in many relationships because:

Well, things aren't that bad.

And:

If I would just do this differently.

If I would say this differently.

Then it would be okay.

But that's not really how that works.

Right?

It's Easier to Stick With What You Know

We don't look for excuses because we're wanting to stay in a bad situation.

It's just easier to stick with what you know versus what you don't.

The unknown is really scary.

I can't plan my way out of things that I don't know are going to happen.

Right?

So I am put into a position where I either fly—

or I fail.

Failing Is Really Scary for Me

It's really hard for me.

And today, my bite of pie was taking my meds when I needed them the most.

It was acknowledging that I don't feel well.

That I'm not doing well.

And that I needed to give myself some time to heal.

To feel better.

Today I Took Care of Me

That meant not getting a lot of the things done that I wanted to do today.

But taking care of myself.

At some point in time, I have to remember that taking care of myself is the ultimate thing to do.

Yes, I have laundry.

Dishes.

Meals to plan.

I have a schedule to make for me and my family.

Ultimately, none of that stuff can happen if I'm not taking care of myself.

And today I decided to do that.

I took care of me.

My Podcast Is Even Later Tonight Because I Took Care of Me

I knew I was going to do it.

I wasn't going to avoid it.

But I also knew that I needed to make sure I had the strength to do it.

I get on here in the most honest form that there is.

I'm not going to make myself up.

I'm not going to pretend to be happy.

I'm not going to pretend to feel well.

I don't feel well.

My head is aching.

I feel nauseous.

I could probably lay down right now and go right back to sleep.

Although I've slept all day long.

Sometimes the Biggest Support Is Someone Saying, I Know

I think it's important in mental health that we see people show up even when it's hard.

We don't pretend like everything's fine.

Sometimes the biggest support we can get is someone saying:

Okay.

No.

I do know what you're going through.

Because that's exactly where I'm at.

Today?

That's where I'm at.

Today I Slept

I don't have a funny story or giggle.

I don't have some fun anecdote to tell.

Today I slept.

Today I took care of me in the best way that I knew how.

Sometimes that's what it takes.

Sometimes it's looking at yourself and saying:

Hey.

I'm going to choose me today.

And today I was forced to do that.

My body said:

We are doing that today.

We are giving ourselves the much-needed time to sleep and catch up to what's going on in our head.

We Don't Have to Put on a Mask

For those of you who feel like you have to constantly show up and be perfect—

for those of you who feel like every day you have to put on a mask and present to the world that you're okay when you're not—

no.

We don't.

We can show up and still do the things that we need to do while still acknowledging where we're at.

I'm sitting here.

I'm talking to you.

I'm having this conversation while knowing that my stomach does not feel well.

While knowing that I am just exhausted.

But I was able to show up to this capacity.

Writing in Your Journal Isn't the Same Amount Every Day

I'm not jumping around.

I'm not moving around.

I'm not screaming or hollering.

The podcast won't be as long as it usually is.

But writing in your journal isn't the same amount every day.

Some days it's just checking in and saying:

Hey.

I made it through the day.

Today's one of those days for me.

Today Was an Off Day

I didn't feel well.

I didn't get the chance to do anything because I just needed to rest.

And today I took the time to do that for me.

Because taking care of me is as important as everything else in my life.

If not more.

Since I can't do anything if I'm not taken care of.

My Bite of Pie

I hope your bite of pie every day is you taking care of yourself.

We talk about it here.

Sometimes that bite of pie looks like getting out of bed and taking a shower.

That is taking care of yourself.

That is a step in the right direction.

Today, my bite of pie was taking my meds when I needed them.

Acknowledging that I didn't feel well.

Giving myself time to sleep.

Giving myself time to heal.

Taking care of me.

Today is another page in the story.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

It just has to be written.

Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:

What was your bite of pie today?

Until tomorrow,

Love you loud.