Dear Patient Me: Learning What Is Worth the Wait

Aug 8

Written By Jamesha Williams

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How good are you at waiting for something you truly want?

Do you sit quietly?

Do you remind yourself of what is coming?

For me, it depends on what it is.

My child is no longer a child today.

She turned eighteen.

I waited up until midnight just so I could wish her a happy birthday.

That was easy.

When I am thirsty and want a cold drink, I can put it in the freezer and wait.

That is easy too.

But when I want my Starbucks drink perfectly cold?

Not so patient.

I am learning that what defines my patience depends heavily on what I am waiting for.

Some Things Are Easier to Wait For

If you told me I had to walk into a classroom with ten hungry toddlers, I could do that.

Patient.

Kind.

Loving.

I can handle that.

Ask me to do the exact same thing with ten adults?

That would test me.

A lot.

And that made me wonder what the difference actually is.

Maybe Patience Depends on Enjoyment

I enjoy working with kids.

So being patient with them makes sense.

I enjoy my Starbucks too.

But if I am thirsty?

That drink has now become a need.

And suddenly I am staring at the freezer like I can make time move faster.

Apparently, patience is much easier when I enjoy the waiting.

Or when I am not desperate for the outcome.

And I am realizing that I am the same way with people.

Saturday Started Normally

Today is Saturday.

Which means chore day.

I started my laundry.

Made breakfast for myself and the dogs.

Everyone else was still in their rooms.

No big deal.

Then I sat down and did some work.

I took an inventory of all the pens I own.

And guys.

I own a lot of pens.

A lot.

I did not realize how bad it was until I took pictures of them today.

Then I looked at the pictures and thought:

That is pretty bad.

But still.

My day continued.

Sometimes Laundry Can Wait

I went back later to start another load of laundry.

I needed the bedding.

My husband was still lying down.

He said he was going to get up around 2:30.

So I had to wait.

Was I a little annoyed?

Yes.

But also.

It is laundry.

I own a washer and dryer.

They are not going anywhere.

So I waited until he got up.

Then I did the laundry.

No catastrophe.

No argument.

Just waiting.

Once My Brain Decides Something, It Wants It Done

Later, I wanted to talk to him about the budget I worked on yesterday.

We are also supposed to be switching offices.

This will not be my background anymore.

But he did not want to switch offices today.

And I am one of those people who, once I get something in my head, wants it done immediately.

Not because the importance changes.

My brain just locks onto it.

Hyperfocus.

This needs to happen.

Right now.

Immediately.

But switching offices requires two people moving things.

He said we would do it tomorrow.

Okay.

Apparently My Face Said Otherwise

I came back to my office to work.

He must have noticed something on my face because he asked:

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I am okay.

Then again:

Are you okay?

And I finally said:

Well, I am a little bothered.

Because I understood what was happening.

He is starting a business.

I get that.

Completely.

He is hyperfocused on getting it going.

And I am happy for him.

But starting a business does not make household responsibilities disappear.

Businesses Do Not Cancel Laundry

I told him:

I am starting a business too.

I also work outside the home.

That does not change the fact that food still needs to be cooked.

Laundry still needs to get done.

The house still needs to be cleaned.

Those things do not disappear because we are busy.

He asked what I wanted him to do.

So I rattled things off.

Bathrooms need to be cleaned.

Floors need to be swept.

The usual things.

He said he would get to it tomorrow.

So now tomorrow includes cleaning.

Cooking.

And switching offices.

Sounds relaxing.

I Had the Conversation and Let It Go

The difference today was that I did not sit there getting angrier.

I had the conversation.

Then I let it go.

I do not know what has shifted lately, but I have been doing much better with how I approach my husband.

Our relationship is still nowhere near where I want it to be.

But I think my patience with the situation has gotten better.

And I can acknowledge that.

I Am Part of the Problem Too

I do not pretend I am not part of the problem in my relationship.

I am not the only problem.

But I am part of it.

That is something I have to own.

Sometimes it is difficult for me to understand what I actually need to work on.

Patience is a big one.

I like things my way.

I want them when I want them.

I want them done how I want them.

And preferably immediately.

Load the Dishwasher My Way

If I say:

Load the dishwasher.

My brain means:

Load the dishwasher the way I would load it.

At the time I think it should be done.

In the order I would do it.

Meanwhile, someone else hears:

Load the dishwasher sometime.

And those are not the same instructions.

At least not in my brain.

But maybe part of patience is accepting that someone will get to something when they get to it.

Even if it is not the moment I would choose.

I Am Trying Something Different With Meal Planning

Yesterday, I was working on meal planning.

I am really good at meal planning when I am hyper-focused on it.

That usually looks like:

Let me go into the kitchen and make eighteen meals at once.

Wonderful.

Very productive.

Then by the end of the week?

I do not want any of it.

So this time, I am trying something different.

Just Give Me the Protein

Instead of saying:

Tonight we are having chicken piccata.

Or chicken tortilla soup.

I am going to say:

Tonight is chicken.

That is it.

Chicken.

Then we decide what we want to make from there.

That makes so much more sense for my family.

The more specific I make the meal plan, the more likely I am to decide I do not want it.

But if I know the protein?

I can work with that.

I can make all kinds of meals from chicken.

I get options.

My brain likes options.

Working With Myself Instead of Against Myself

I explained the plan to my husband.

He agreed that it made more sense.

And I am excited to try it.

Because it fits us better.

Not some imaginary version of how meal planning is supposed to work.

Our family.

Our brains.

Our habits.

That matters.

Today I Was Actually Taking My Time

I went over the budget with him too.

Explained what I had done.

Went through how things looked.

And I just noticed that I was patient today.

I was taking my time.

Enjoying the day.

I had some ice cream.

Which was delicious because it is ninety-something degrees outside.

Feels like a hundred and something.

I enjoyed breakfast.

I spent time outside with the dogs before it got too hot.

And tonight, I plan to relax and watch a movie.

I Am Not in a Hurry

That might be the strangest part.

I am not rushing.

I am not looking at everything I want to do and thinking:

Now.

I am just waiting to enjoy things.

Taking the day as it comes.

Which sounds incredibly mature.

Until we talk about my birthday.

I Am Absolutely Not Patient About My Birthday

My birthday is in a month.

And I am ecstatic.

Am I doing something elaborate?

Nope.

Am I getting something extravagant?

Probably not.

Do I care?

Absolutely not.

I love my birthday.

I am one of those rare adults who does not mind getting older.

I like celebrating me.

It Is My Day

I usually do not do anything huge.

At this point, I am often working.

But it is still my day.

Yes.

I understand that billions of other people were also born that day.

I do not care.

It is my birthday.

I get to decide what I want to eat.

Where I want to go.

What I want to do.

And yes.

I am an adult.

Technically I can make those decisions every day.

But it hits differently on my birthday.

I Have Been Talking About It Since June

My birthday is in September.

I have probably been talking about it since June.

My poor husband’s birthday is in June.

He gets through his birthday and then gets to hear about mine.

My kid’s birthday is in July.

Happy birthday to you.

Do you know what we are closer to now?

My birthday.

There are some things in life I apparently have no desire to be patient about.

Some Things Are Too Exciting to Wait For

Birthdays.

Christmas.

Holidays.

Things that carry excitement and memory.

It is easy to get swept up in them.

For a lot of people, those things bring good feelings.

For others, they bring dread.

And I understand that too.

Because as much as Christmas is my favorite holiday, Christmas is also hard for me.

Thanksgiving is hard too.

Holidays Are Not What I Thought They Would Be

They are nowhere near what I imagined they would look like when I became an adult.

I would love to go home.

Sit with my dad.

My siblings.

Eat together.

Spend time together.

But that is probably not going to happen.

And that hurts.

So on those holidays, I think I compensate.

I make things big.

Bright.

Exciting.

For everyone around me.

Because if I focus on what I have, maybe I do not have to focus so hard on who I do not have.

And honestly?

It works.

Some Things I Wait For Do Not Make Sense

I started thinking about the things I am patient about.

The things I wait for.

Some of them make perfect sense.

Some do not.

I am married.

And somehow, I still feel like I am waiting for someone to decide I am the person they want.

The person they love.

The person they want forever with.

That sounds strange to say.

Because I am married.

I chose my husband.

And somehow, I still feel like I am waiting for my forever.

Patiently Waiting to Be Chosen

I feel like I am patiently waiting for someone to want me the way I want them.

What does that actually mean?

We always say:

Treat people how you want to be treated.

And I think I treat people fairly well.

I love deeply.

I show up.

I care.

But that is not always reciprocated.

And sometimes I find myself waiting for it.

Love Is Not a Transaction

That is different from saying:

I did something nice for you, so now you owe me something nice.

I do not believe in that.

I think that is a terrible way to approach love.

It is not about keeping score.

It is not about exchanging favors.

But I do expect to feel loved.

Wanted.

Appreciated.

Those things matter.

And sometimes I find myself patiently waiting for them.

Today My Baby Turned Eighteen

Today, I was incredibly excited because it was my kid’s birthday.

It is also my brother’s birthday.

I am going to message him after I finish the podcast.

But my baby turned eighteen today.

And she was excited because she gets to spend the night with her family.

I am excited for her.

Truly.

But when she told me, my heart dropped a little.

Because she is not my baby.

But she is my baby.

You know?

I Will Wait for Her to Come Back

I want her to go.

I want her to have an amazing time.

I want her to spend time with her sisters.

Her family.

I want her to enjoy being eighteen.

And I will patiently wait for her to come back and tell me everything.

How much fun she had.

What they did.

How it feels to officially be an adult.

All the things we were so impatient for as kids.

Can We Go Back?

When we were kids, we could not wait to grow up.

We wanted freedom.

Independence.

Responsibility.

We wanted to make our own decisions.

Now we are adults.

And sometimes the thought is:

No, thank you.

Can we go back?

Can we redo this?

We were incredibly impatient to receive a whole lot more responsibility.

Then we got it.

And suddenly it was not quite as glamorous.

Would My Life Be Different If I Had Been More Patient?

Sometimes I wonder whether my life would have turned out differently if I had been more patient about growing up.

Honestly?

I do not think so.

I do not think I was meant to patiently remain where I was.

I think I needed to get out of the position I was in.

And as much as I may struggle now, I cannot imagine going back to a time when I was not thriving.

The Things We Wait For Mean Something

It is strange.

The things we wait for.

The things that matter to us.

The things we love.

Sometimes patience is easy because we know what is coming.

Sometimes waiting is unbearable because the outcome matters too much.

Sometimes we delay things ourselves.

Which brings me to this journal cover.

This Journal Cover Is Testing Me

Today, I have been banging my head against the wall trying to finish the cover for my journal.

The journal has been done for a while.

The cover?

Apparently, the cover needs to be perfect.

Meticulously perfect.

Which is funny.

Because I am constantly saying:

It does not have to be perfect.

It just has to be done.

I know that.

And the cover is close.

Very close.

Maybe Perfection Is Just Another Way to Wait

I think part of the reason I keep nitpicking the cover is because I know what happens once it is finished.

I have to release it.

People are going to see it.

They are going to have opinions.

Somebody may look at it and say:

Why?

Someone else may say:

I see where this is going.

And as long as I am still adjusting tiny things, I do not have to face that yet.

I can tell myself it is not ready.

That feels safer.

I Am Patiently Waiting for Myself

So apparently, I am patiently waiting for myself to get over that.

If I have my way, the journal will go live tonight.

And tomorrow, I will tell everyone whether I actually did it.

Or you can check my website.

If it is live, you will know.

But the bigger thing is that I have been waiting for something that feels like mine.

Something that feels like me.

For a very long time.

I Found Myself in Strange Places

I found it in the strangest places.

I found it in doing a podcast where I once thought I would never show my face.

I found it in taking in children I never imagined I would have.

I found it in creating things that randomly pop into my head and eventually flow through my fingers.

Books.

Journals.

Ideas.

Projects.

Pieces of myself.

And somehow, through all of it, I have been becoming someone.

I Am Patiently Becoming Me

I am patiently becoming the person I want to be.

And I like that.

We talk all the time about writing your story.

I genuinely feel like every day I write another page of mine.

Some pages are messy.

Some are beautiful.

Some make absolutely no sense until much later.

But each day, it gets a little better.

Each day, I become a little more like the hero in my own story.

One Bad Day Is Not the Whole Story

That does not mean I do not have setbacks.

I do.

There are bad days.

Days when everything feels wrong.

Days when I do not feel like myself.

Days when I wonder whether any of this is actually working.

That is where patience comes in.

I have to remind myself:

One bad day does not mean every day will be bad.

One bad page does not ruin the whole story.

I Want to See Who I Become

I am patiently waiting to find out how great I can be.

What I can accomplish.

What I can create.

How far I can go.

Who I will become.

And I hope somewhere, someone listening feels the same way.

Maybe you have been patiently learning who you are too.

Maybe you are finally ready to meet that person.

I know I am.

My Bite of Pie

My bite of pie today was patience.

Not perfect patience.

Not sitting quietly and smiling while everything happened exactly the opposite of how I wanted it.

Real patience.

I waited for my husband to get up so I could finish the laundry.

I accepted that the offices could be switched tomorrow.

I had a conversation about what I needed instead of turning my frustration into a fight.

I worked through the budget.

I talked through meal planning.

I spent time with my dogs.

I ate ice cream.

I enjoyed my day.

I celebrated my child turning eighteen.

And I let myself feel the little ache that came with watching her go celebrate with her family.

I patiently waited.

For laundry.

For plans.

For conversations.

For my journal.

For myself.

And maybe that is what patience looks like for me right now.

It does not mean I stop wanting things.

It does not mean I stop being excited.

It does not mean I suddenly become okay with everything taking forever.

It means I am learning that everything does not have to happen the second I decide I want it.

I am learning that some things take time.

Relationships.

Businesses.

Families.

Healing.

Becoming.

I am nervous about where all of this is going.

I am excited too.

And I am grateful that you are here for the ride.

Today is another page in the story.