Dear Productive Me: When Getting Things Done Still Does Not Feel Like Enough

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Have you ever spent the day taking care of things just to feel like you have not been productive at all?

No matter what you accomplish, it still does not feel like enough.

Today, that is exactly how I felt.

I woke up later than I normally do.

I took the anxiety medication last night, and it knocked me out.

I was extremely tired.

But once I got up and got moving, I started knocking things off my list.

I filled out paperwork.

I ran it up to the school.

I had lunch.

I came back home.

I sat down and made a list of things I wanted to accomplish.

A budget.

A schedule.

A meal plan.

I got quite a few of those things done.

And somehow, I still felt like I had done nothing.

What Is the Magic Number?

I am not sure what I measure productivity against.

What is the magic number of things I have to accomplish before I am allowed to call myself productive?

Because I actually had a productive day today.

I got things done.

And yet my brain still said:

It is only 8:25.

You could do more.

And yes.

I can do more.

I probably will do more.

But where does that incessant need to keep adding things to my plate come from?

Why is it so much easier to say:

You could do more.

Than it is to say:

Hey.

You did good today.

You can take a break.

I Was Not Anxious Today

The strange thing is that this was not coming from anxiety.

I was not nervous today.

I was not particularly upset.

Emotionally, I actually felt pretty good.

Happy, even.

And maybe part of that is the fear that when I feel good, I need to get everything done before that feeling disappears.

Before something changes.

Before my brain decides I cannot do those things anymore.

So when I have energy, I want to use all of it.

Immediately.

On everything.

At the same time.

I Love Math With My Whole Heart

Today, I sat down and started running numbers.

And I love math.

With my whole heart.

Always have.

I still have my math notes from high school.

That is how much I love math.

And, you know.

OCD.

But I was working on the budget and looking at the money coming in compared to the money going out.

I was curious.

Where does my money actually go?

Where Is All This Money Going?

I started making a list.

Looking through expenses.

Looking at what we pay for.

And I realized that I spend money on things I obviously do not need to spend money on.

So I started asking:

What if I take this off?

What if I take this off?

What if I take this off too?

And because I got into a groove, I just started removing things.

Because if you are going to do it, you are going to do it.

At least, that is how my brain works.

I cut streaming services.

Changed plans.

Moved things around.

And before I knew it, I had created a healthy buffer in our budget.

Why Did I Wait So Long?

I do not know why I had not sat down and done that before.

I have talked about doing it.

Thought about doing it.

Mentioned it to my husband multiple times.

But somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that I could not do it unless he sat down and did it with me.

Knowing full well that he has absolutely no interest in sitting down and doing that.

So today, I did it myself.

I sat down.

I looked at the numbers.

I made decisions.

And I finished it.

I Am Learning to Stop Waiting for Permission

I think that is becoming a new outlook for me.

Instead of waiting for somebody else to give me approval to do something, I just do it.

I noticed that with cleaning too.

Instead of getting bitter because someone did not get up and help me clean when I did not actually want their help, I processed the truth.

I did not want their help.

So why was I angry that they did not offer it?

The same thing happened with the budget.

Why was I upset that my husband did not sit down and discuss every bill with me?

That has never been his area.

That Man Has Never Paid a Bill

We have been married for ten years.

Together for twelve.

That man has not sat down to pay a bill.

That is my area of expertise.

So it baffles me that somewhere along the way I decided:

He needs to sit down and discuss all of this with me.

Knowing that this man does not care about the minute details.

And that is not the same as saying he does not care about our finances.

He does.

The tiny details simply mean nothing to him.

That is not how his brain works.

Meanwhile, I Check the Bank Account Every Morning

My brain works completely differently.

Every morning, I wake up and check my bank account.

Just because.

I like knowing what I am working with for the day.

I already know what is coming out.

I know what is going in.

That does not matter.

I still want to look.

It makes sense to my brain.

So sitting down and working through the budget felt good.

It worked with the way I think.

Then I Looked at the Grocery Budget

And that was another adventure.

My grocery budget is insane for a family of three and two dogs.

I spend way more money than I probably should.

A lot of it is fresh fruit.

Fresh vegetables.

Things I genuinely like having in the house.

The dogs also like fresh fruit and vegetables.

The other two humans?

Not so much.

But we eat fairly well.

Still, I started going through all the grocery purchases from the month.

And I realized I had spent upward of $1,500 on groceries.

There is absolutely no way we are eating all of that.

We are not.

Apparently, I Am Preparing for a Meat Apocalypse

So I went to look at what we actually had.

I use an app that lets me scan what is in my pantry, freezer, and refrigerator.

It tells me what I have.

Very handy.

And apparently, what I have is meat.

So much meat.

Bags and bags of chicken.

Pounds and pounds of ground beef.

Pork chops.

Pot roast.

Hamburgers.

Fish.

All of it sitting in the freezer.

And then I go grocery shopping and buy more meat.

Because apparently, some part of my brain believes:

Oh my gosh.

If we do not buy this right now, we are never going to have meat again.

Meanwhile, I have an entire outside freezer full of food.

Maybe I Should Eat What I Already Bought

Today, I finally sat down and looked at all of it.

Okay.

This is what we have.

Let us make a plan around what is already here.

Maybe I do not need to spend so much on groceries.

Wild concept.

I am actually really good at coming up with meals.

My problem is deciding what I want to eat.

Those are two very different things.

Tell Me the Protein

If you tell me:

Tonight, make something with chicken.

I can make something with chicken.

No problem.

I can walk into the kitchen and create a meal.

But if you ask me:

What do you want for dinner tonight?

I do not know.

Absolutely no idea.

My brain does not like that question.

So instead of forcing myself to plan several very specific recipes, I decided to work with the way my brain already functions.

Tell me the protein.

I will figure out the rest.

Apparently, I Want Tostadas

While I was looking through everything we already had, I realized I have been craving tostadas.

So there is a very good chance I am making tostadas tomorrow.

Lunch.

Dinner.

Who knows?

But I know I have the meat.

I know I have the other ingredients.

I did not need a detailed weekly recipe plan.

I needed to know what proteins were available.

That was enough for my brain to take over from there.

Productivity Has to Work With Your Brain

And I think that is the crux of productivity.

You have to know how you work.

I do well with lists.

Give me a list of things.

I see something on the list.

I complete it.

I check it off.

Then I move to the next thing.

That works for me.

Today, I knew I needed to take care of school paperwork.

I did it.

I knew I wanted to work on the budget.

I did it.

I wanted to look at grocery planning, meal planning, and meal prepping.

I did that too.

I worked with my strengths.

Apparently, I Was Productive After All

Because I worked with my strengths, I actually got a lot done.

And yet I still had to convince myself that the day counted.

That is strange to me.

We create these goals for ourselves that do not always make sense for what we are actually capable of doing.

We decide what productivity is supposed to look like.

Then we punish ourselves when our lives do not match the imaginary version.

I Am Not Running a 5K Tomorrow

It would be ridiculous for me to decide that tomorrow I am going to go run a 5K.

I am not prepared to run a 5K.

Could I technically do it?

Maybe.

Would I survive it?

Questionable.

But could I plan toward running one?

Absolutely.

For me, that might start with eating healthier.

Losing some weight.

Starting with shorter runs.

Building from there.

Because that is what would work for me.

My Brain Needs the Right Pace

I cannot tell myself:

Go run a mile.

Walk a mile.

Run another mile.

Walk another mile.

My brain is going to say:

Nope.

That sounds like a lot of work.

You have to set things at a pace that works for you.

I used to run track.

Believe it or not.

I was a mid-distance runner.

But if you told me to go outside right now and immediately start running long distance, that would not be productive.

It would probably just make me miserable.

Being Productive Means Knowing Yourself

Productivity is about understanding who you are.

Where you are.

And how you accomplish things.

My husband works differently.

He needs to complete a task.

Then sit down.

Take a break.

Reward himself.

Then get up and do another task.

Task.

Break.

Task.

Break.

That is how he gets things done.

His Brain Is Not My Brain

If my husband tries to do everything at once, his ADHD brain goes everywhere.

Then nothing gets accomplished.

That does not mean he is lazy.

It means his brain needs a different approach.

The same is true for me.

What works for me may not work for him.

What works for him may drive me insane.

So what works for you?

Do that.

My Best Friend Did the Same Thing

My best friend was telling me about her day.

She enrolled her kid in school.

Rearranged her room.

Went to the store.

Handled a whole list of things.

She is a mom of two.

She ran around all day taking care of responsibilities.

And she still felt like she had not been productive.

Sound familiar?

It did to me.

Because I was doing the exact same thing.

Productivity Feels Like an Impossible Goal

Sometimes productivity feels like this imaginary finish line.

You keep moving toward it.

But every time you get close, somebody moves it.

Usually you.

Instead of saying:

These are the things I wanted to accomplish.

How many did I get done?

We say:

But look at everything I did not do.

For me, I got a lot checked off today.

And I know I am probably going to do even more when I finish recording this podcast.

I am not tired.

I feel good.

I probably should not have had that energy drink an hour ago.

But here we are.

My Productivity Will Not Look Like Yours

I can keep putting energy into the things I need to do.

But I still have to remember that my productivity is not supposed to look like everybody else’s.

We live in a world where everybody is expected to follow the same system.

Do it this way.

Learn it this way.

Work this way.

Organize yourself this way.

That does not work for everyone.

Even We Know Everyone Learns Differently

Yes, a job is a job.

There are standards.

There are expectations.

Certain things have to be completed.

I understand that.

But even within those expectations, we acknowledge that people learn differently.

That was one of the beautiful things about growing up in my household.

I am the oldest of seven kids.

And not one of us learned the same way.

Seven Kids, Seven Different Brains

The way I understood something was not necessarily how my sister understood it.

Or my brother.

We were different people.

Even our punishments were different.

If I got in trouble, I got grounded from the phone.

Because I loved to talk.

I know.

Shocking.

I enjoy talking to people.

I enjoyed talking to my friends.

So taking the phone away actually mattered to me.

My Sister Needed a Different Punishment

My sister was not big on talking on the phone.

Taking the phone away from her would not have accomplished much.

So when she got in trouble, she might get grounded from going outside.

She loved being outside.

She played basketball.

That mattered to her.

The punishment fit the person.

And if we understand that different consequences affect different people differently, why do we act like productivity should work exactly the same for everybody?

I Reward Myself

I am absolutely somebody who responds to rewards.

Sometimes the reward is simply checking something off my list.

That little checkmark feels good.

But sometimes the reward is:

When I finish this, I get ice cream.

When I finish this, I get Starbucks.

That works for me.

I know that about myself.

So why would I pretend it does not?

Work With the Brain You Actually Have

If we do not do things in a way that works with our brains, how do we expect ourselves to get anything done?

Some people love lists.

Some people hate them.

Some people need routines.

Some people like to throw things at the wall and see what sticks.

I feel productive when I follow the same routine every day.

The same order.

The same general flow.

That is what feels productive to me.

Maybe That Is Why Today Felt Wrong

Today, I did not follow my normal routine.

I did not get up and take my shower at the usual time.

I did not clean my kitchen when I normally would.

Several of my usual things did not happen.

So even though I accomplished other important things, my brain said:

The day is incomplete.

You were not productive.

Because I did not follow the routine.

That was the part I had to challenge.

Missing Part of the Routine Does Not Erase the Day

I do not need to break myself out of having a routine.

The routine works for me.

What I need to break is the belief that if I do not complete every part of it, then nothing I accomplished counts.

That is not true.

Not doing every single thing does not mean I did nothing.

A different day is not automatically an unproductive day.

One Bite at a Time Applies Here Too

If mental health is one bite of pie at a time, why would anything else be different?

Why do we expect ourselves to accomplish everything all the time?

We cannot.

We are not bionic.

We are human.

And being human means taking things one bite at a time.

One task.

One decision.

One accomplishment.

Then the next.

My Bite of Pie

My bite of pie today was getting things done the best way I knew how.

I made a list.

Because lists work for me.

I checked things off as I completed them.

Because that works for me too.

And when I am done, I am going to reward myself.

I have ice cream sitting in the freezer.

Mango sorbet.

Which sounds absolutely delicious.

And Butter Pecan.

I am leaning toward the Butter Pecan.

Because for me, Butter Pecan feels like a hug from my dad.

And right now, I could use a hug from my dad.

That is the nostalgic mood I am in tonight.

I was productive.

I did the things I needed to do so that I could do the things I wanted to do.

And maybe that is the definition of productivity.

Do the things you need to do so you can get where you want to go.

We need to give ourselves credit for that.

Being productive does not mean getting everything done.

It means growing.

Moving.

Making something happen.

Not making all the things happen.

Just making things happen.

That was my bite of pie today.

And while talking to my best friend, I realized it was probably hers too.

Even if she cannot acknowledge it yet.

Right now, I am waiting to call her back because I told her:

Go shower.

She did not really want to.

But go shower.

Let that be another productive bite of pie.

Productivity does not have to be grandiose.

You do not have to complete the entire list.

Do something on the list.

That counts.

That is an accomplishment.

That is productive.

Today is another page in the story.

It does not have to be perfect.

It just has to be written.

Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:

What was your bite of pie today?

Until tomorrow,

Love you loud.