Dear Needy Me: It Doesn't Make You Needy, It Makes You Human

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Have you ever thought that you were needy for asking for what's probably the bare basics?

I mean, you're asking for someone to spend time with you.

Or to hear you when you're upset.

Or you're mad.

Or you're sad.

I Didn't Want to Bother Him

Today, I woke up early.

I was just kind of laying in bed contemplating what I was gonna do today.

Then I had a friend reach out to me.

He said morning.

And I was hesitant to respond because I didn't want to bother him.

Even though he messaged me first.

But I responded.

And then the conversation essentially died.

I ate breakfast.

And I went back to bed.

I Just Had This Urge to Be Around Somebody

Then I woke up again.

And I just had this urge to be around somebody.

But I don't have anyone to hang out with.

My friends are all busy.

They have lives out here.

And I want to go see my family again.

But there's some hesitation there.

Nothing went wrong the last time.

But I don't want to overdo it and then not have a support system to help me process it all.

So?

I just went back to bed.

I didn't wake up until like three o'clock this afternoon.

I mean, that's not a big deal.

I didn't have anything planned.

But it got me thinking.

How many times have I decided the bare basics is me being needy?

Somehow Talking Through It Makes Me Needy

If I'm having a bad day and I just want to talk to somebody about it?

And I reach out to somebody?

I instantly feel like I am trying to manipulate the situation to steal attention.

And that's not my intention.

I am legit just trying to talk through what I'm feeling and what I'm thinking.

But somehow letting somebody be a part of that is me being needy.

Taking away from their own things.

And I almost instantly stopped myself in my tracks.

When did I decide that having someone help me?

Walk me through it?

Or just be there for me?

Made me needy?

I'm Not Constantly Clingy

I could understand it if I was just constantly clingy.

Every little thing:

My God.

Help me.

But it's not like that.

At all, actually.

I generally keep things close to the vest.

So when I'm really needing it and I reach out?

It's because I can't muddle through it on my own.

And yet I instantly feel like:

My gosh.

I'm bothering these people.

They don't want to deal with this.

They don't want to hear my problems.

My gosh.

You're just so needy.

You're gonna make people run away from you because you're always wanting attention.

If My Friends Were Going Through Something, I'd Want Them to Reach Out

It's a weird idea.

Because if my friends were going through something?

The first thing I'd want them to do is reach out to me.

Hey.

I'm here.

I want to help you.

I want to listen to you.

I need to be there for you.

But I don't want to burden anybody else.

That makes me needy.

And so today?

I'm sure I spent the day in isolation because I didn't want to be needy.

So It's Just Me

I haven't reached out to anybody to hang out.

Talk.

Watch TV with.

Back at home?

I would have called a friend and had him sit on the phone with me all day today.

But he doesn't seem particularly interested in that now that I'm here.

And again?

I don't blame him.

That's just not the relationship we have at the moment.

My other friend?

On the weekends her boyfriend's off.

So I don't really hear from her because she's doing things with family.

Again.

Reasonable.

So it's just me.

My husband has his life.

My kid has his life.

I Feel Lonely, Although in My Life I'm Not Alone

I feel lonely.

Although in my life?

I'm not alone.

And I don't know how to bridge the gap between:

I'm not lonely.

I just don't know how to reach out to people and say:

Hey.

Hi.

Remember me?

Can we do something?

Anything?

I Had a Whole Plan

I had a whole plan as of last night.

I was gonna get up.

I was going to be productive.

I was gonna go to the library or to a park.

I was gonna sit and enjoy the sunshine.

It's 75 degrees outside today.

I have not stepped foot outside at all.

So much so that my insurance app's like:

So, is your app still connected?

Because you haven't driven in a while.

Right?

Stop judging me.

I just don't have anywhere to go.

Sorry.

But I wish I could understand where this concept came from.

That my wanting someone is me being needy.

I Am a Problem Solver

Tonight I talked to my friend for a bit.

I'm supposed to call him back.

And I will after I get off if he's not in bed.

And I talked to my husband.

Who's frustrated with poker right now.

And I felt like I couldn't be what he needed.

I was struggling with that because he's really angry and upset that things aren't going the way he wants them to.

And I hate that he feels that way.

But I don't know how to fix the problem.

And I am a problem solver.

If you come to me and you say:

My gosh.

This is frustrating me.

The thing that I want to do the most is stop whatever is frustrating you.

I don't want you to be upset.

Or mad.

Or sad.

And I realize that's life.

We're gonna have those big emotions.

We're gonna have those feelings.

But if I could do anything to help keep those feelings at bay for you?

Then I will.

But When I Ask for the Same Thing, I Feel Needy

And yet?

I feel like I'm being needy when I ask for somebody to do the same for me.

It's a very interesting concept that tonight I think I'm going to work on.

I have spent a lot of time sitting alone.

Keeping all the things in my head kind of in my journal.

But not talking to anybody else directly.

And I'm not proud.

I'm not even afraid.

I just would hate to be a burden to somebody.

I'd hate for someone to have to talk me through what's bothering me.

Or what's worrying me.

I Feel Like I Need a Companion

I feel like I need a companion.

But then I don't know how to ask for one.

I don't know how to say:

Hey.

I just need somebody to be there.

Just so I know I can call somebody.

Or sit silently.

Or feel something.

My Mom Actually Reached Out to Me Today

My mom actually reached out to me today.

Which kind of surprised me.

Because she never does that.

It's not a thing when I'm in Kansas.

And so she reached out to me today to see how I was doing because she hadn't heard from me.

I didn't know what to do with that.

I'm happy she did.

That's improvement in our relationship.

And I thought about getting dressed and going over.

But I also know that's how I am.

My gosh.

There's a sign of an olive branch.

Let me go drop all three things else in my life and act on it.

I'm Used to Dropping Everything That's Important to Me

I was talking to someone last night.

And I said that I have the habit of doing that.

I went to work on something.

And they were like:

"Well, if you get an invite, you could just drop what you're working on and go do it."

I'm used to dropping everything that's important to me to do what everybody else wants.

And I'm really trying to avoid that with all my might.

So I'm trying to be cautious.

But I still wanna keep people tight and close to me.

Today I Didn't Do Much

Today I didn't do much.

I hung out in bed.

I slept.

I did work on a project last night that I'm really proud of.

It's going really well.

I'm excited to put that out there.

I've been thinking more about how I want to do other projects I've got going.

I'm just kind of in-between.

And my husband told me yesterday that he'd like for me to come home.

Since, you know, I'm not working out here because my job?

I don't know what they're doing.

And I don't know what to do with that information.

Part of Me Says I Could Just Pack Up and Drive Back

Part of me says:

Well.

I'm not working.

Which is why I came out here.

I could just as easily pack up my stuff and drive back.

And then the other part of me feels like that's giving up on what I came out here to accomplish.

I don't know what to do.

I don't even know who to talk to about it.

Because again?

Everyone's busy.

Everyone's got their own lives.

And that's not a bad thing.

I'm glad they have their own lives and their own things.

I just have these things in my head.

And they are heavy.

Sometimes Avoiding It Is All I Can Do

I think I just do things to avoid thinking about them.

Which obviously doesn't make them go away.

But it doesn't allow me to get into this depressive episode where I can't climb out of it.

Sometimes avoiding it is all I can do.

And I wish that I could say things out here are going great.

They're not going bad.

They really aren't.

I'm having a great time.

I am not as miserable being in my own company as I thought I would be.

I would like to go to work.

I enjoy working.

I love working with kids.

I do miss that.

But I don't know if I'm ready to give up and pack up and run.

Maybe California Is No Longer Home to Me

I don't know if that means I don't miss my family back at home.

Or my friends back at home.

Because theoretically speaking?

They would love for me to come back.

I just don't know.

And I don't know how to process all of that.

Do I just go back?

Do I call it quits and say:

Hey.

I gave it a chance.

I came out here.

I did the things I needed to do.

And it just unfortunately didn't work out.

Maybe California is no longer home to me.

Or do I say:

Hey.

This is a hard moment.

And you'll get through it.

Because you're strong.

You're tough.

And you can do this.

I'm Still Writing That Story

I don't know.

I'm still writing that story.

I'm still editing that page day in and day out.

When I talk to you guys about how we are in a position to do that?

It's because I truly believe we're in a position to continue to write our story over and over again.

We're in a position to say:

Hey.

Today this is what this looked like.

But tomorrow?

I get to start on a whole new page.

My Character Gets to Do Something Different Tomorrow

I get to decide that today:

My character goes outside and she enjoys the sunshine.

My character writes down all her feelings.

My character hangs out with a friend.

My character goes out and makes new friends.

Today?

My page in the story looked like me just being and sitting at home.

But I wasn't upset.

It was just me relaxing.

And that's okay too.

Sometimes the story doesn't have an arc every day.

It doesn't have to.

Your story isn't about fighting demons every day.

Some Days, Even in Books, the Character Rests

Some days?

Even in books?

The character rests.

We don't talk about it in books.

We don't write about it.

It's Tuesday.

She's staying at home and she ate a bowl of cereal.

In my story?

That's a possibility.

And I love my story.

Some days I love just sitting in bed eating a bowl of cereal.

Today I had McDonald's for breakfast.

I had pizza for, I guess, lunch-dinner.

And I got to just hang.

I got new shirts.

I'm excited about that.

They're super soft.

It was a simple day.

They'll Realize I Was Just Human

Will it be in my memoir that on September 19th, 2026, Jamesha was just there?

Probably not.

But it'll be in my journal.

And somehow that feels better than it being in my everlasting story for everybody to read.

But if someone ever finds my journal?

They'll realize that I was just human.

I had basic things that I wanted and I needed.

And instead of convincing myself that I didn't deserve them?

Or that everybody was too busy to give them to me?

I just wrote the story differently.

And said:

Hey.

I could do it this way instead.

My Bite of Pie

My bite of pie today?

I slept.

And it was a glorious nap.

For those who know me?

Know that I put myself to sleep.

That does not mean anything bad.

I did not take drugs or anything like that.

If you know, you know.

And I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to go.

I got up.

I showered.

And I'm here.

I'm ready to do something today.

Whatever that looks like for the rest of the evening.

It's seven o'clock here.

But yeah.

My bite of pie today was just kind of recognizing that I had decisions to make.

And I don't know how they're gonna go.

But I get to make them.

I get to sit down and think about them.

And process them.

I get to rewrite that story tomorrow however I should decide to rewrite it.

So if you are contemplating if you're needy because you want to have someone hear you?

Sit with you?

Listen to you ramble on because your brain is going a mile a minute?

It doesn't make you needy.

It makes you human.

If you are in the midst of making big decisions and they seem daunting?

Scary?

You're not alone.

You're just human.

If you didn't enjoy today?

For whatever reason today was just not the way you needed it to be?

Just remember.

Today is another page in the story.

It does not have to be perfect.

It just has to be written.

Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:

What was your bite of pie today?

Until tomorrow,

Love you loud.