Dear Healing Me: As I Heal Others, I'm Healing Myself

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Have you ever sat and wondered what's something that you're good at and why you're good at it?

Like something you're able to give of yourself?

But you don't know where it came from.

I decided today that I think the skills I possess?

Are the shortcomings that I didn't have given to me.

Let's see if I can make this make more sense.

I Love to Make People Feel Loved

I'm a natural-born giver.

I'm a natural-born leader.

I love to love.

And I love to make people feel loved.

In the way that makes them feel the most seen.

So today?

Ordinary day.

Get up.

Go to work.

Stop and get breakfast.

Good day.

I sat in my classes.

I laughed.

I talked.

I joked.

Then I got to my last class.

I laughed.

Played.

Joked.

And talked to that one special student.

He was just like:

"I have a football game today."

You Should Come See Me Play

I said:

"I should come see you play."

And he said:

"Yeah."

Where's the game at?

Here at the school.

What time?

4:30.

And if you come?

My mom should be there.

You can meet my mom.

I don't even work with you.

I'm not here to work with you.

But you want me to meet your mom.

So, of course?

The sappy-heart person that I am?

Today is the one day I don't actually work late.

I don't have my other job on Wednesdays.

Sure.

I'll go to your game.

I Had a Two-Hour Wait

School gets out around 2:30.

The game started at 4:30.

That means I had a two-hour wait.

I don't live in Palo Alto.

I don't have friends in Palo Alto.

Didn't matter.

I was gonna be there for this student regardless.

I got there.

Ate my dinner in my car.

Sat there.

Waited.

Then as it got closer to game time?

I got out of my car.

Went and sat down.

Waited some more.

And eventually?

I started hearing chatter.

There's no game.

It got canceled.

There's no game.

It got canceled.

I'm Staying for Practice Anyway

There were still kids there.

I could hear my kiddo's voice.

A group of boys left.

And I thought:

Surely they left because there's no game.

There was just practice instead.

The guys who stayed?

Started warming up.

My kiddo came back and said:

"Miss Jamesha, the game was canceled today."

And I said:

"I heard.

But I'm staying for your practice anyway."

I think that surprised him.

I think it surprised him that not only did I show up when I didn't have to?

I stayed even after there wasn't anything to stay for.

The Throwy Throwy Guy

So he played.

And we laughed.

Because as I'm learning about football?

I'm learning in the silliest ways.

We've got the throwy throwy guy.

Apparently that's the quarterback.

He throws it to the catchy catchy guy.

Apparently that's the wide receiver.

Then you've got the black-and-white stripe people.

And we're just having fun with the terms.

I'm like:

Okay.

But don't be surprised if you hear somebody yelling:

"Go, throwy throwy guy!"

And he goes:

"Bet. Okay. I'll know it's you."

Someone Who Wasn't Required to Cheer Him On

I think for him?

It was nice to have somebody who wasn't required to cheer him on?

Want to cheer him on.

And I don't know where I would've learned that.

Because it's not like I feel like I've had a bunch of people in my corner going:

Go, Jamesha.

Go.

You got this.

But I've been really good at being that person for other people.

And being that person for other people?

Makes my heart smile.

I feel like as I'm healing others?

I'm healing myself.

It feels good.

It's like I'm telling the little girl who wished she could've had that:

It's okay.

You didn't have it.

But you're giving it to others.

When's Their Next Game?

At the end of practice?

I'm talking to him.

Talking to his coach.

His coach said:

"That's really cool that you came out just to hang out and watch their stuff."

And I'm like:

Well, they didn't get to have a game today.

When's their next game?

Next Wednesday.

Okay.

Tell me where it is.

I'll be there.

Really?

Yeah.

I'll show up.

It Is So Overlooked How Much It Means to Simply Show Up

It is so overlooked how much it means to simply show up for somebody.

It wasn't any big gesture.

It wasn't any grand speech.

It was just:

Hey.

I'll be there.

And honestly?

Now that I know there's a game next Wednesday?

I think I wanna make a sign.

I want a sign that says:

Go throwy throwy guy.

Go catchy catchy guy.

Go blocky blocky guy.

And apparently?

Go all the things.

Because I'm learning that apparently in football?

A lot of people play lots of different things.

It's a whole thing.

Somebody Showed Up Who Didn't Have To

But just seeing the looks on my kids' faces?

When they realized somebody showed up who didn't have to?

I loved it.

My kiddo and I talked after practice.

You tired?

Yeah.

I'm gonna go home and go to sleep.

Okay.

You got homework?

No, I think I'm good.

Okay.

Classes tomorrow?

Ugh.

Got these classes.

How are we doing in those classes?

Not well.

Okay.

Well, if you tell me where your class is?

I'll come by and visit.

Really?

Yeah.

I'll come by your class.

It's the Easiest Thing I Could Ever Do

I have chills.

Goosebumps.

Because for me?

It's the easiest thing I could ever do.

I can't fathom why people don't do it for each other more often.

What?

Yeah.

I'll be at your game.

Sure.

I don't lose anything by going to your event.

I didn't have magical plans.

Could I have come home and done laundry?

Yeah.

Is my laundry still gonna be here?

Yeah.

Is the washing machine still gonna be here?

Yep.

He Asked Me to Jump in the Pool and I Just Jumped

But that moment?

When that kid realizes he was really important to me?

When he asked me to jump in the pool?

And I just said:

Sure.

And jumped in?

World difference.

It was nice.

It was nice having that effect on him.

It was nice seeing my other kiddos be like:

"Hey, Miss Jamesha, there's no game today."

I know.

"But you're still here?"

Yeah.

I'm still here to watch you guys.

"Really?"

Yeah.

I've Become Part of Their World

They don't know me because I work with them personally.

They know me because they see me in class.

And because they see me in class?

I interact with them.

I talk to them.

I learn what they like.

What they dislike.

How they joke.

I've become part of their world?

Without ever needing to be part of their world.

One kid was like:

"Your name's Miss Jamesha, right?"

Yeah.

"I forgot, but then I thought I remembered, so I just wanted to make sure I had it right."

Nope.

That's my name.

I've told this kid my name once.

But it stuck with him.

I only had to hear his name once.

And it stuck with me.

This One Has Something the Other Ones Don't

I am sentimental.

And recently?

I've had several job offers pop up.

I'm very blessed to say that.

Now?

I get to decide between what I have?

And what could possibly be better.

That could be such an easy decision.

Well, it pays you more.

Gives you more hours.

Makes you more stable.

And some of the jobs do exactly that.

But this one?

This one has something the other ones don't.

It has a kid who enjoys me showing up.

Miss Jamesha, You're Gonna Be Here Today?

It's not that those other jobs won't have that.

It's that this one already does.

It already has a kid who's like:

"Miss Jamesha, you're gonna be here today?"

I am.

"So we're gonna sit down and do this?"

Yep.

We are.

Then I've got other kiddos in other classes.

I walk by?

"Hi!"

That's my friend.

In the short time I've been there?

I've become somebody they know.

Somebody they can talk to.

Joke with.

Laugh with.

Ask for help.

I Love Being That for Someone Else

I love being that for somebody else.

Every business decision I've made for Unperfectly Perfect?

For Dear Journal?

Has been because of my love of helping other people.

Because for me?

As I help others grow?

Love?

Care?

Heal?

I'm able to do the same.

You're Right. I Do Deserve Better.

As I tell people my stories?

About the people who hurt me.

The people who say they love me.

And how sometimes that doesn't make sense to me?

I give you guys this encouragement:

That's not what that looks like.

You deserve better.

And then?

You're right.

I do.

I'm recognizing that.

And I'm acting on it.

I'm saying:

Hey.

I deserve better than the place I'm sitting in.

Let me do something different.

I Get to Heal Me Every Step of the Way

Because I'm able to have you guys to talk to about it?

Because I'm able to write in my journal nightly?

I can hold myself accountable.

I get to heal me every step of the way.

Sometimes?

That healing looks bubbly and fun.

Today was a great day.

I laughed.

I smiled.

I played.

I showed up for someone.

I can't promise tomorrow will look the same.

I'm not even saying today was perfect.

There were spots in today?

That really made me mad.

One Bad Thing Doesn't Have to Ruin the Whole Day

None of my kids.

None of my teachers.

Just outside things where I'm like:

That doesn't need to work that way.

But overall?

It was a good day.

I'm learning that I can see the day as a whole.

Usually for me?

With my mental health?

One bad thing happens.

And it's catastrophic.

It ruins the whole day.

The whole day is just bad.

I let that one thing make me pissed off about everything.

Today?

The opposite.

Yeah.

That one thing really made me angry.

It bothered me to my core.

But gosh?

Was it a great day.

The Looks on Those Kids' Faces Beat It Every Time

All those other things?

Top it.

The look on those kids' faces?

Beats it every time.

The fact that I was invited to go?

Winning.

The fact that teachers are coming to me?

Asking me what I think?

Asking my opinion about how to make things better?

I love it.

The fact that jobs are coming to me like:

Hey.

We really want you.

We think you'd be great in this role.

Yes.

Yes.

It feels like being where I'm meant to be.

I'm Learning to Like Her More

It feels like seeing myself for the first time?

With all the drapes removed.

I don't necessarily always like what I see back.

But I'm learning to like her more.

Today?

Randomly?

My mother messaged me.

And I'm always surprised when I hear from my mom.

Because that's never been a thing.

But since I've been here?

She'll randomly message me.

My sister will randomly message me.

And I'm loving that.

I Feel Like I'm Getting Me Back

I feel like I'm getting me back.

But in addition to getting me back?

I'm getting back pieces I've always wanted.

That I didn't know I could obtain.

And there's something about that?

That's just joyous.

And healing.

My Bite of Pie

So my Bite of Pie today?

I healed.

I did something for somebody else?

That made a part of me say:

You needed that.

Good job.

I showed up in a way?

That I wished for years people would've shown up for me.

And it felt good.

I did all the things I was supposed to do today.

I started working on projects.

I got to talk to my bestie.

I got hung up on by my little bestie.

That's her thing when she talks to me.

I think part of it was she didn't see my face?

So she hit the red button.

But I love her still.

It was a great day.

I'm happy.

I'm tired.

But it's a happy tired.

My heart's full.

I Feel Like I'm Loving

I feel like I'm loving.

And for me?

That's a big deal.

Being able to love?

Without this expectation that I have to do something behind it?

Just feels good.

It feels right.

I'm hoping tomorrow?

Although it's gonna be a very long day?

Will be more of the same.

I'll show up for my kids.

I'll give them maybe what they need?

When they don't expect it.

I'll show them they're worth it.

I'll show them they can do it.

Even when they question themselves.

Then I'll Give Myself the Same Speech

And then?

I'll give myself the same speech.

As I run off to my second job feeling very frustrated.

Because I'm worth it.

And I deserve it.

I hope wherever you are?

You're making some of those same decisions.

Hey.

I'm able to help somebody else.

I'm able to see the thing in them they're missing.

The thing they're needing.

Because I recognize it in myself.

I know what I needed in that moment.

And I can be that for somebody else.

Little Me Heals Day by Day

And as I choose to be that for somebody else?

It helps the little one inside me.

Little Me.

Heals day by day.

As I take the strides to do so.

As I rewrite her story.

Where she is the hero in somebody else's.

She's not the damsel in distress.

She's not the side story that wanders off.

She's not the villain.

She's someone worth talking about.

And I'm happy to be her.

Today is another page in the story.

It does not have to be perfect.

It just has to be written.

Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:

What was your bite of pie today?

Until tomorrow,

Love you loud.