Dear Discombobulated Me: Sometimes Boring Is Necessary

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Have you ever had what's considered a negative feeling feel good?

Like?

You know it's supposed to be a bad term.

But for some reason?

It just seems fitting in the most positive of ways.

Today?

I have been up and down.

I went to bed at a decent time.

Then woke up.

Went back to sleep.

Woke up.

Went back to sleep.

I Had Nothing Planned for Today

No particular reason.

I wasn't upset.

I didn't feel sick.

Nothing.

I just had nothing planned for today.

So finally?

At five-something this morning?

I'm like:

Well, if I'm awake?

I may as well order some donuts.

And I did that.

While I waited for my donuts?

I fell asleep.

Then I woke up.

Got them DoorDashed here.

Ate them.

And I was just like:

Okay.

Well.

I'm tired.

I'm going back to bed.

So I did.

I Didn't Set an Alarm

I didn't set an alarm.

I had no plans for when I should get up.

I had things I wanted to do.

But none of them had deadlines.

So?

I went back to sleep.

Then I woke up.

And a friend asked:

"How are you feeling today?"

Discombobulated.

And I'm like:

Mentally?

Emotionally?

Physically?

Yes.

But It Wasn't Negative

It wasn't in a negative way.

It was just?

I got really good sleep.

I wasn't worried about anything.

I almost didn't recognize the room I was in.

It was just that really good feeling?

When you got enough rest?

And you wake up like:

Wait.

What happened?

Where am I?

But everything was fine.

Everything was fine.

Everything Was Fine

It feels like it's been a long time.

It hasn't.

But it feels like it's been a long time?

Since I've just felt like everything was fine.

I haven't fought with Kansas today.

I haven't been upset by anybody today.

I haven't been in my feelings.

I haven't been stir crazy.

I got my nails done.

Very fall colors.

Very me.

I just?

Was today.

I'm Enjoying Just Being

I worked on some projects.

Well.

Some quizzes.

Not projects.

That I had to take.

I have plans to possibly work on a few more things.

We'll see how far that goes.

I'm just enjoying my Sunday.

I'm enjoying just being.

I'm not rushing to do anything.

I'm not rushing to get anywhere.

I don't owe anybody anything.

I'm just able to peacefully breathe.

And it feels nice.

I Don't Feel Guilty About It

And for once?

Not only does it feel nice?

I don't feel guilty about it.

At home?

I'm usually like:

Well.

You've got stuff to take care of.

You've got groceries to do.

You have laundry to finish.

You've gotta make sure everything's ready for the week.

And it's not that those things aren't important here.

Because I still have to do those things.

It just doesn't feel overwhelming.

Why Does It Feel So Different Here?

I wish I knew what the difference was.

I wish I could figure out why chores here?

And chores there?

Feel so different.

Why here they're just:

I'll get to them when I get to them.

I've never been that person.

Again?

You can set your clock by me.

If it's Saturday?

I get up.

And I do my laundry.

In the same order?

That I always do my laundry in.

Look at Me Walking on the Wild Side

The fact that this week?

I was just like:

You know what?

Not only am I gonna do my laundry on a Friday?

I'm gonna do it every other Friday.

What?

Every other Friday?

Look at me walking on the wild side.

And for anyone who knows me?

They know that sounds crazy.

That is so unlike me.

And it's nice.

I Don't Have to Be So Structured

It's nice to not have to be so structured with myself?

That I feel like I can't be fluid.

I have to celebrate those wins where I can.

Today was just a good day.

I was able to relax while getting my nails done.

Work on some projects.

I love being able to take my work with me?

And just chill.

Tomorrow I Start a New Job

Tomorrow?

I start a new job.

And oddly enough?

I'm not nervous about it.

I'm at peace with what's going on.

And what I'm setting into place.

That doesn't mean all of it's gonna work out.

I don't expect everything to be perfect.

But it's nice to be in a position?

Where I feel positive about it.

Where I feel like:

Hey.

This tunnel isn't so dark.

I can see a light.

I can see where this is going.

It Also Makes Me Sad

And in ways I can't begin to explain?

It also makes me sad.

Not in a sitting-in-a-dark-room-crying kind of sad.

But in a:

I want to share this with the people who mean the most to me.

And I don't know how to do that.

I want them to feel this peace.

This joy.

This happiness.

This serenity.

But how do I convey that to people?

When all they know is chaos?

I Know What Those Things Feel Like

All they know?

Is how to be stressed out.

Unloved.

Unwanted.

Uncared for.

Because I know what those things feel like.

It's hard.

It's extremely hard.

They are overwhelmingly hard to deal with.

But it's almost like?

At some point?

You have to decide you don't want to stay in that mindset.

It's Not Like Flipping a Switch

And I don't pretend it's just as easy as flipping a switch.

That's not me.

I don't think:

Well, today I'm happy.

So tomorrow I'll just continue to be happy because suddenly I'm happy.

No.

There's a good chance this week?

I'm gonna spiral at some point.

I'm gonna think:

Nobody loves me.

Nobody cares.

The difference?

I'm going to push myself not to stay in that headspace.

I'm Going to Find Something Good

I'm gonna push myself not to stay in that space.

I'm gonna challenge myself?

To find something good.

However small it is.

Today?

I made my bed.

Nothing grand.

But I made it.

It's pretty.

I liked it.

In My Head, I've Gone Shopping

I think we did some shopping.

I didn't actually buy anything.

In my head?

I've gone shopping.

There's some skirts I want.

Some dresses I like.

But right now?

Me and clothes have a love-hate relationship.

I don't like the way I look.

So I won't buy clothes for myself.

Which?

Actually doesn't help.

But usually?

Something like that would just kill me.

And it has.

Being Discombobulated Was the Best Thing Ever

Today?

Being discombobulated was the best thing ever.

It was okay to wake up?

And be confused.

Unaware of what I'm doing.

Unaware of where I'm at.

Because I was still safe.

I still felt peace.

But I think more importantly?

I felt at home.

I Don't Mean Home as a Physical Place

And I don't mean home as in a physical place.

I don't know when I last felt like home was a physical place.

If I'm being honest?

It was probably a long time ago.

But?

Something feels right.

And after this last weekend?

With the fights I've had?

The drama that's been present?

It's nice to know?

I don't have to stay in that bubble.

I Wish I Could Bring Everybody With Me

I wish I could bring all the people with me out of that bubble.

I don't think everyone's ready to come out of that bubble.

And that's their choice to make.

They get to decide that.

Unfortunately?

I can't stay there with them.

I love them.

I care about them.

I want the best for them.

I will always want the best for them.

But the best for me?

Isn't staying where they're at.

Meeting You Where You're At Doesn't Mean Staying There

That's a hard lesson to learn.

Because we're so used to:

Let me meet you where you're at.

And I agree.

One hundred percent.

I love to meet people where they're at.

I work in a field where meeting people where they're at?

Is so important.

But the concept of meeting you where you're at?

Is to help pull you up from where you are.

Not leave you sitting there.

And if the idea is that you just want to sit in the place you're at?

You don't want to move?

There's nothing I can do about that.

It's Like a Child Throwing a Tantrum

It's like the child throwing a tantrum.

They're flailing on the floor.

They're not wanting to get up.

You go over there.

You talk to them.

But if they're not gonna get off the floor?

Well?

You can either come.

Or I'm gonna leave.

Most often?

Kids are just like:

Don't leave me.

Okay.

Well.

I'm glad I was able to meet you where you're at?

And you're coming with me.

It's all about movement.

It's So Easy to Get Stuck

It's so easy to get stuck.

So easy to feel stuck.

It's so easy to feel overwhelmed.

Overshadowed in this world.

It's so easy to get lost?

In all the things you're supposed to do.

Have to do.

When you have to be there.

How you have to be there.

How you have to do it.

It's nice to have a day where you're just like:

What?

What was I supposed to do today?

How's that work?

Sometimes Boring Is Just Nice

I don't know.

It's just been a great day.

I got to talk to my husband.

I got to talk to boyfriend.

We're getting along right now.

And I got to talk to my best friend.

I smiled.

I laughed.

It was a good day.

I feel like this episode is rather boring.

And I don't mean for it to be.

I just?

Had a good day.

And sometimes boring?

Is just nice.

Sometimes boring is necessary.

And today?

I needed a boring day.

I needed a day where it was just:

I got nothing.

My Bite of Pie

So my Bite of Pie today?

I slept in.

And it felt great.

I talked to people who were important to me.

And that felt great.

I went and got my nails done.

Multitasked.

Did some work at the same time.

And I ate real food.

Because apparently?

That's a whole thing.

To eat real food regularly.

I had donuts this morning.

But apparently?

That wasn't enough.

Then I came home.

And I ate.

I Have Nothing to Complain About Today

And I was excited to do my journal today?

Because I have nothing to complain about.

I have nothing to be upset about today.

And I find that odd in my life.

So?

I'll take being discombobulated.

I'll take being boring.

If it means things went well today.

You Are Not Responsible for All the World's Issues

So if your day was discombobulated?

If you woke up and were just like:

What?

What day is it?

What time is it?

Not out of panic.

But out of a:

Ugh.

I had nothing else to do today.

I hope you had the best of days.

And if you woke up feeling stressed?

Upset?

Like there are a million and one things you have to get done by yourself?

I'm sorry.

You don't.

You're not responsible for all the world's issues.

You're not responsible for all the issues alone in your house.

That's just not how it is.

Share the burden with somebody.

Talk about it.

Work through it.

Figure it out with somebody else.

Because doing it alone?

Is hard.

You deserve to have someone there in your corner.

I'd love to be in your corner?

If you let me.

Today is another page in the story.

It does not have to be perfect.

It just has to be written.

Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:

What was your bite of pie today?

Until tomorrow,

Love you loud.