Dear Celebratory Me: I Spent the Day Loving Me

Listen to the Episode

Prefer listening? Hear the full Dear Journal conversation here.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to spend your birthday alone?

Without friends.

Without family.

Just totally by yourself.

For years I’ve heard of mothers or fathers spending Mother’s Day and Father’s Day alone, and I’ve never understood the concept.

Why would you want to be without your family?

This year I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.

I had to be out here for work.

I start work on Tuesday, so I needed to leave last week, putting me in California by myself for my birthday today.

And I thought for sure it was gonna be a miserable day.

I’d Never Really Had to Spend My Birthday by Myself

I’d never really had to spend my birthday by myself.

I’ve always been surrounded with friends or family of some type.

But this year I was a little nervous about that.

I’d even had little plans in place so that that wouldn’t happen.

And I still woke up with no plans.

So I wake up this morning and my mom and my dad call me together.

And they say:

“Happy birthday, Jamesha.”

Which is different.

Because usually I just get a text from my mom and that’s kind of it.

But she goes:

“Hey, you know, we were thinking we should go out for your birthday.”

“You know, I talked to your siblings and they’d like to go out for your birthday.”

Okay.

Well, you know, I was waiting to hear back from one brother.

Did hear back from one sister.

She’s like:

“Well, let me coordinate with everybody and see what we can do.”

Do You Like Seafood?

So she talks to everybody and she comes back and it’s:

“Hey, do you like seafood?”

Yes.

Yes, I like seafood.

So she goes back and she’s talking behind the scenes.

And she comes back and she says:

“Okay, so we can meet at the seafood place today.”

And it’ll have to be between the time my sister gets out of church and before my mom goes to church.

My sister’s church starts around 11:30, I think she said.

My mom starts at five.

So we would have to coordinate where we would meet to make that happen.

And it sounded like it was just gonna be complicated.

So I was like:

“You know, is my other sister coming?”

“Well no, because I can’t leave your dad by himself going that far.”

“Unless we went to, like, Red Lobster locally.”

And I said:

Again, I’m fine with Red Lobster.

The more the merrier.

The more of my family that can show up, the better for me.

And she’s like:

“Well, does it have to be today?”

“Can we do it tomorrow?”

And I’m thinking:

I hadn’t even planned for them to do anything to begin with.

So yes.

I can absolutely wait till tomorrow.

That Is Amazing

So that’s the plan.

Tomorrow, I am going for a birthday dinner with my mom, my dad, at least one of my sisters, one of my brothers, and possibly another sister.

That is five of the nine.

Six of the nine.

I didn’t count myself.

That is amazing.

So I’m kind of excited by that because it wasn’t what I was expecting.

And it feels good.

Because in our household it was always tradition for us to go out for dinner and the birthday person to pick out what they wanted to eat.

And although this time it’s been decided this is where we’re going, I haven’t had a birthday meal with family in forever.

It’s My Birthday

My husband’s not really big on birthdays.

So he doesn’t really plan anything.

So it’s usually just me kind of being like:

It’s my birthday.

I think last year was a tough birthday.

I was moving and it was just really chaotic.

I was packing boxes.

I was having them put into the truck.

I did end up going out for my birthday dinner at Mexican food.

Which is very typical of me.

But it was just hectic.

So this year is quite a bit different.

You Know What? It’s a Good Day

This year I slept in.

I woke up to hear from different family members.

And I said:

You know what?

It’s a good day.

Jumped in the shower and I went and got my nails done.

They’re very Jamesha.

Very green and yellow.

I wanted something that was my favorite colors and for fall.

So I did that.

And then while I was sitting there, I’m like:

You know what also sounds good?

Massage.

Why Not?

So I went to look for a massage place.

Usually out here I just go to Massage Envy or whatever.

Something simple.

And for whatever reason, I decided to look at something different.

And I came across this Thai massage place.

And so I said:

You know, why not?

They look like they have availability.

Let’s go in and see what I can get.

And I got a Thai deep pressure massage.

And I feel so amazing.

Ridiculously amazing.

But again, it wasn’t upsetting.

It wasn’t sad.

After that, I treated myself to some food.

And now I’m back here doing my podcast early so that my friends on the Central Time Zone actually get it at a decent time tonight.

But guys?

It wasn’t bad.

I Have Never Taken the Time to Celebrate Myself

I’m so used to wanting to be celebrated that I have never taken the time to celebrate myself.

Not even for small things like my birthday.

And I have to say:

I like this newfound growth.

I like that I am willing to change and willing to challenge thoughts and processes that I previously had.

That I recognize that things don’t always have to be set the same way.

That I can alter them and they can be just as great.

I can be more flexible.

And I know for me that’s really hard.

Again, OCD nature.

Change is hard.

But it feels so good.

I Feel Like I’m Glowing

I feel like I’m glowing.

My smile feels beautiful.

I feel beautiful and happy.

And it’s nice to have that on my birthday.

There have been many years where that hasn’t been the case.

Where it’s just been:

Let me take care of it.

And we joke because it’s a very verbal thing to plan our own birthdays.

Because essentially we don’t trust somebody else to do it for us.

And for me, it’s just that I don’t have anybody else to do it for me.

Again, my husband isn’t a holiday person.

So his thought isn’t to plan ahead.

I Thought That Was for Then

As a matter of fact, for my birthday present this year, he had bought me jewelry back in March.

He had bought me a necklace.

And he had told me when he bought the necklace that he was buying it because he had the money on him to do so.

And he wanted to make sure he got me something nice while he had the money to do so.

And I said:

Okay.

That’s great.

And so he bought me this necklace.

It’s a Belle necklace.

Belle’s my favorite Disney princess.

And I accepted it.

And that was that.

Well, we were talking about my birthday this year and I’m like:

“So, like, am I not getting anything for my birthday?”

“Well, you already did.”

And I’m like:

Did I miss something?

He’s like:

“Yeah, the necklace that I got you.”

I’m like:

I thought that was for then.

And he’s like:

“Well, no. It was for that too.”

“But it’s also your present.”

And I wasn’t aware that this was supposed to be for presents ongoing.

“Well no, I’m not saying that.”

“But it is supposed to be your birthday present.”

That’s What I’m Used To

But that’s what I’m used to.

In the past he would run to the store and get, like, markers or pens.

Because he just...

That’s him.

He’s not a planner, guys.

So this year, instead of being disappointed that nobody thought about me, I didn’t have expectations.

Because I didn’t make any plans outside of taking care of myself.

And I had a great day.

The day’s not even over yet.

It’s six o’clock here.

A friend suggested I go get ice cream.

And I’m heavily considering it.

Bubblegum Ice Cream at 43 Years Old

I’m trying to figure out what mood I’m in.

So the ice cream place around the corner is Baskin-Robbins.

Which I love.

And I always get the same two scoops, generally, when I go to Baskin-Robbins.

My favorite is bubblegum ice cream.

I don’t know why.

At 43 years old, you’d think I’d have any other favorite?

Nope.

But as we talked about in previous episodes, as a throwback homage to my dad, I get butter pecan.

And so I usually get the two of those together.

But I have my dad here this year.

So maybe I’m feeling like black walnut and bubblegum ice cream.

Whatever I Decide Is Fine

I’m just feeling like whatever I decide is fine.

If I decide to lay down and rest?

Fine.

Go out and do something?

Fine.

I have laundry to do because I didn’t do it yesterday.

I know.

It’s switching things up a little bit.

Whatever I decide is okay.

It doesn’t have to look the same.

It doesn’t have to be a routine that I keep day in and day out.

And it’s just been a really enjoyable day.

I Really Have Loved Loving Me

I really have loved loving me.

And I think that’s what makes today so special.

I have spent the day loving me.

Not expecting somebody else to love me.

But me loving me.

And I want to do more of that.

My Bite of Pie

So my bite of pie today was celebrating myself.

New era.

New changes.

I am a nice, crisp 43 years old.

And this is the first time I have celebrated me.

So that’s my bite of pie.

If you are out there and you’ve got little wins and things you’re accomplishing, instead of expecting somebody else to pat you on the back and saying:

“Good job.”

Celebrate you.

Go buy that ice cream.

That cup of coffee.

Go snag that new purse.

That new wallet.

That new game.

Celebrate you.

You deserve it.

You work hard.

Even if it’s not to the extent or standards of somebody else.

You worked hard.

You’ve earned it.

You’ve earned a chance to celebrate yourself.

Why?

Because you got out of bed today.

You’re still here.

Celebrate that.

Today is another page in the story.

It does not have to be perfect.

It just has to be written.

Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:

What was your bite of pie today?

Until tomorrow,

Love you loud.