Dear Helpful Me: Maybe It’s Okay to Help Myself Too

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Do you ever catch yourself helping others at the detriment of yourself?

You tell yourself you're just being polite.

You're just a great person.

You're empathetic.

You know.

It's just to tell you who you are.

I'm like that.

I like to give until there's nothing left to give.

I also recognize that I tend to do that more when I'm hiding from myself.

Today Started Off Like Any Other Day

I didn't want to get out of bed.

But I did.

And I went to work.

Typical day.

I've learned some things about a few people that I was a little iffy about, trying to figure out how to balance that all out in my head.

It's not something that I like.

But it's not something that I can say anything about.

I kind of just get to ignore it for the time being.

I got a call about the job I applied to yesterday.

Really excited about that.

I got home and was able to relax.

Take a load off.

And then I went to help my husband with his business.

No Harm in That

I really enjoy helping out.

Especially when it comes to technology.

I'm really good at technology.

I like playing with it.

So that was fun.

But I also recognized that in doing so, I wasn't taking care of the things I needed to take care of.

I have a series of books that I need to fix.

You guys have been waiting for them to get online.

I've been excited for them to get online.

I've just been waiting for Amazon to approve them.

I got messages this morning saying that I need to fix the covers.

It's not a big deal.

Easy enough to do.

But for some reason, it just stopped me dead in my tracks.

It Reminded Me That I Failed at Something

Although I didn't actually fail at something.

They are ready to be published.

I just have to tweak one thing.

But it caused havoc in my brain.

Today I should have come home and sat down and worked on it.

Got it taken care of.

Quick and easy.

Fixed.

Today I took a nap.

I picked up my kid from school.

We went everywhere except home to do the work that I needed to do.

I Immediately Went to My Husband’s Office Instead of My Own

When I did get home, I immediately went to my husband's office instead of my own to take care of things.

Then I came into my office and it was like:

It's podcast time.

Which is great.

I love doing my podcast.

But I also had this insane feeling to run out of my office because it has to do with sitting down and contemplating how I'm going to fix this issue that I believe shouldn't have been an issue to begin with.

But hey.

I was being helpful.

I'm known to be really helpful.

Somebody Else Needs Something

Yes, there's bills to be paid.

But somebody else needs something.

Let me take care of that first.

Hey, this person seems to be sad.

And while emotionally I'm not doing well, I'm better off helping them than worrying about myself.

I'm really good at that.

Because, you know:

I'm helpful.

When Does Helpful Stop Being So Helpful?

When does helpful stop being so helpful and become more of an excuse or avoidance of doing something?

I help a lot.

I apply for jobs because they need the help.

I spend money because people need the help.

I do things that, if I really gave myself the time to sit down and think about, I probably wouldn't be helpful doing.

Not because I'm a bad person or a mean person.

But because I recognize that the resources that I'm using to help, I take from myself.

I Can't Remember the Last Time I Took a Bath

I have not sat down and taken a bath in ages.

I love taking baths.

It's always one of my things I do to relax.

It just kind of eases my mind.

I put on some headphones.

I can listen to a book or some music.

I can't remember the last time I took a bath.

I used to read.

I loved reading.

I love books.

And Then I Just Stopped

At some point in time, I convinced my best friend, who isn't the biggest reader in the world, that we should have a book club.

We listened to audiobooks together.

And then I just stopped.

And I know that it was me who just stopped.

Because if I tell him:

Hey, I've got this book we should listen to.

He's going to jump on it.

But I don't take care of myself that way.

I instead help others.

It's Always Easier to Look Outward Than Inward

If I was being honest with myself, I need a lot of help.

I need to learn when to say no.

Which is a really hard word for me.

I need to learn how to say stop.

I don't like that.

I don't know how to do those things.

It sounds so easy.

Stop.

No.

Don't do that.

I don't like that.

Those are easy words to say until it's time to actually use them.

And then I become mute.

Because I just want to be helpful.

Yeah, My Needs Aren’t Being Met

But I could be helpful.

Recently, with all the things going on, that has played in my head.

How helpful am I being to myself?

Am I ignoring the wants and the needs that I have just so outwardly I look helpful to everybody else?

That's great that to others I look like I'm being helpful.

I look like I'm a nice person.

But can you really be a nice person if you're not being nice to yourself?

I feel like that's one of those philosophy questions.

What Good Does It Do for Me to Treat Others Better Than I Treat Myself?

Yes, I believe that I can be nice to others and be a nice person when I'm mean to myself.

But I'm also doing myself a disservice.

What good does it do for me to treat others better than I treat myself?

We always say to treat others the way we want to be treated.

And I think that's an interesting concept.

Because oftentimes we will treat people really well.

But why don't we treat ourselves the way we want to be treated?

I Want to Be Treated Like a Princess

In the sense that I want to have baths run for me and sit and relax.

I want to prop my feet up and read a book and enjoy it without being bothered.

I want to go for walks.

I'd like to lose weight.

And theoretically speaking, I keep telling myself that's what I'm going to do.

Until it comes time to do something for me.

Then I'm like:

Ugh.

Somebody needs me somewhere.

They Just Really Need My Help

I have a person in my life who calls me whenever they need something.

That's the only time they actually call me.

And while it feels icky and I don't like it, I often say yes to that person because:

Well, they just really need my help.

I can't even remember the last time they asked me about me.

I don't think they've actually cared about me or who I am.

It's just:

I'm one of those people that always say yes.

Because I'm just helping.

When Does It Become Being Used Over Being Helpful?

I think it's a very fine line to walk.

It starts off as you just being a great person.

It starts off as you just being nice.

And then the person you're being nice to becomes so used to you being nice and helpful that they forget that you're human too.

Somewhere along the road, I forgot that I was human.

And that I was deserving of being helped and taken care of.

Instead, I take care of everybody else.

I Truly Treat Others the Way I Want to Be Treated

But I don't leave an expectation or a boundary that they treat me the same.

They get to treat me however they want to.

And I just accept it.

Because that shouldn't change how I'm acting.

And it shouldn't.

I will never be an advocate of:

Well, that person treats you bad, you should treat them bad.

My thought process there is:

Why would you want to be like them if you don't like their character?

I don't.

And you don't have to.

Leaving Is Hard

The option isn't to be used or to be mean to them.

It's be used or leave them altogether.

Leaving is hard.

Walking away is hard.

Saying no is hard.

But at some point in time, it's got to be easier than hurting myself.

Turning myself away.

If I treated others the way I treat myself, I'd be disgusted with me.

I wouldn't consider it helpful.

I wouldn't consider it nice.

I would really not want to be around that person.

And Yet I Still Treat Myself That Way

It amuses me to know that I can see that about myself.

I could say:

Hey, if I treated others the way I treat myself, absolutely not.

I don't want you in my life.

And yet I still treat myself that way.

At what point do we realize?

At what point do we decide that we are less than the people who are outwardly receiving our help?

At what point did I decide that I wasn't good enough?

Or I wasn't worthy enough?

At what point did I decide that I didn't feel loved enough?

I'd Like to Change That

And that's not an overnight change.

That's not a:

Let me run to my bedroom, change clothes, and then come back out as a different person.

Although that would be helpful.

It's slow.

It's steady.

And it looks like me sitting here and saying:

Hey.

I don't like that version of me.

That's not a version of me I want to keep around.

If that version of me isn't good enough for anybody else, she's not good enough for me.

I Get to Rewrite That Story

I get to rewrite that person.

I get to erase in my journal as many times as I need and say:

Mm-mm.

Different ending.

Don't like that.

But I have to do something about it.

I can't sit idle.

I can't ignore it.

I have to do something.

My Bite of Pie

I was thinking today as I was preparing my journal entry:

Well, what was my bite of pie today?

Did I do something worthy of saying it was my bite of pie?

But that's not how bites of pie work.

It doesn't matter how small of a bite of pie I take.

It's still a bite of pie.

Today, that looked like finding a pen in yellow that's really pretty.

It looked like purchasing new pens because I didn't have this color set yet.

It looked like spending time with my kid as we walked around Walmart.

It looked like getting all the stuff taken care of for my husband's business.

It looked like sitting here and realizing that maybe it's okay to help myself too.

That one's a big one.

That I can sit down and help myself too.

I hope that if you're sitting out there and you are contemplating all the ways that you could do something for somebody else because you care and you love them and you're an empath, that you remember that you're deserving of those things too.

That you should treat yourself as good as you treat anybody else.

Or better.

Because you deserve it.

Today is another page in the story.

It does not have to be perfect.

It just has to be written.

Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:

What was your bite of pie today?

Until tomorrow,

Love you loud.