Dear Go-Getter Me: What If You Became Your Own Biggest Cheerleader?

Listen to the Episode

Prefer listening? Hear the full Dear Journal conversation here.

Have you ever wondered what life would look like if you were your own biggest cheerleader?

What would happen if you gave yourself the praise, encouragement, and validation you so freely give to everyone else?

What would it feel like to stop waiting for someone else to notice what you have done and simply say:

I did that.

I did a good job.

I am proud of myself.

Today, I did not feel well when I woke up.

But I still got up.

I went to work.

I did what I needed to do.

Then I came home, sat at my desk, and let my mind wander.

Eventually, it settled on one question:

What would I do differently if I became my own biggest cheerleader?

Trying to Please Everyone

I spend a lot of time trying to please other people.

The problem is that the people I am trying to please have completely different standards.

I grew up in church, so there is a large portion of my family that is deeply religious.

How do I make them happy?

How do I live in a way they approve of?

Then there is another portion of my family that is not religious and has an entirely different idea of what my life should look like.

How do I make them happy?

How do I live up to their expectations?

And as I sat here thinking about all of that, I had to ask myself:

Why is it my responsibility to make any of them happy?

When Other People’s Expectations Become Your Life

I have talked before about the fact that my marriage has been hard.

Some people would say:

Just leave.

You are not old.

You still have time to enjoy your life.

Walk away.

But that is not how I was raised.

I was not taught that you walked away from a marriage.

In my mind, leaving would feel like failing.

If someone else told me they were leaving a difficult marriage, I would probably tell them it was not failure.

I would tell them they were choosing themselves.

I would tell them they were allowed to protect their peace.

But when it comes to me, the rules change.

For me, it would feel like giving up.

So then I have to ask:

Is avoiding the feeling of failure a good enough reason to stay somewhere that is hurting me?

I become so busy trying to meet everyone else’s expectations for my life that I completely ignore my own.

What If I Praised Myself?

What if I simply told myself:

You did a good job today.

You did not feel well, but you still got up and went to work.

You showed up.

You pushed through.

You did what needed to be done.

Why does that praise have to come from someone else before I believe it?

Why can I not say it to myself and let that be enough?

Giving Away Something I Loved

Today, I gave away one of my Instant Pots.

I had three.

Now I have two.

That may not sound like a big accomplishment, but it was a big deal for me.

I do not give away my things lightly.

I am absolutely the type of person who would give you the shirt off my back.

But I would probably prefer to buy you a brand-new shirt rather than give you one of mine that I no longer use.

I have held on to boxes of craft supplies for years.

I have moved them from one house to another.

My husband has carried heavy boxes while asking:

What is in this?

And I have answered:

My scrapbook paper.

Scrapbook paper I had not touched in more than ten years.

This year, I finally gave it away.

Not because I felt forced.

Not because I was punishing myself.

Not because my husband told me to get rid of it.

I gave it away because the girls at the facility where I worked loved to craft, but they did not have many supplies.

I had more than enough.

They had very little.

Giving it to them made sense.

Usually, when I give something away, I immediately want to replace it.

This time, I did not.

Maybe that is because filling their cup also filled mine.

I did not feel like I had lost anything.

Shout-out to me for that.

Give Yourself the Credit

Shout-out to me for recognizing when people need to be heard.

Shout-out to me for being willing to listen.

Shout-out to me for loving people.

Shout-out to me for being a nice person.

Because I am a nice person.

I do not know why someone else has to say it before it becomes true.

If I know that I am kind, thoughtful, and generous, why am I waiting for another person to confirm it?

Recognizing What You Do Well

I am good at finding work.

When I want a job, I find one.

I am good at keeping a job when I want to keep it.

At one point, I had five jobs on the table and could not possibly work all of them.

That is something I do well.

There are people who are struggling to find work right now.

I recognize that I am fortunate in that area.

I am good at interviews.

I know how to walk into a room and sell myself.

Maybe I am good at it because my entire life has felt like one long attempt to convince people of my value.

I have spent years trying to prove:

You should like me.

You should want me.

You should keep me around.

I have purpose in your life.

But why do I spend so much time proving my purpose to everyone else?

Why do I not take the time to show myself what my purpose is in my own life?

I Can Be Enough for Me

Usually, these journal entries include a lot of rumbling, questioning, and trying to make sense of something that happened during my day.

Today feels different.

Today is simply me recognizing that I am worthy of my own encouragement too.

I may not be everybody’s everything.

I cannot be everybody’s everything.

But I can sure as hell be enough for me.

Maybe My Standards Are Not Too High

I often tell myself that my standards are too high.

Maybe I am too difficult to please.

But what if I am not?

What if my standards are what they are because I know I can meet them myself?

I do not need someone else to take me out to dinner.

I enjoy it.

I like being treated.

But I can take myself to dinner too.

I can buy myself nice things.

I can go to the movies.

I can read a book and disappear into another world.

I can go out.

I can make friends.

I can entertain myself.

I can build a life outside of my home, and I can also build one inside it.

The things I want from other people are often things I already know how to give myself.

I Started a Podcast

I do not give myself enough credit for the things I have accomplished.

I decided on a whim that I wanted to start a podcast.

I did not know how to do it.

I did not know what I would talk about.

I did not know how I would present myself.

I simply decided:

I think I should do this.

So I did.

And I am still doing it.

That is a big deal.

I Started a Business

I also decided I wanted to start a business.

I do not know how successful it will become.

I do not know what part of it will take off.

I do not currently have a long list of clients.

Usually, that would be the perfect opportunity for me to tear myself apart.

I would say:

Clearly, you are not doing a good job.

Look at where you are.

But today, I want to say something different.

You still did it.

You put in the time.

You put in the effort.

You built a website.

You saw a problem and believed you might be able to help solve it.

Then you tried.

That is amazing.

Doing What I Needed Someone to Do for Me

I chose to step into a role where I could help other people.

I did that because when I was hurting, I felt like people saw me and kept walking.

So I decided to become someone who stops.

Someone who notices.

Someone who listens.

Someone who says:

I see you.

That matters.

Feeling Pretty Today

Today, I got up and got dressed.

That can be a fight for me because I do not always like the way I look.

But as I sit here talking to my journal and speaking to all of you, I feel pretty.

I like the way my hair is curled.

The lighting looks good.

I like my earrings.

I like the way my shirt fits.

I am wearing my rings.

I have on my bracelet and my watch.

Those things may not mean much to anyone else.

But they mean something to me.

My earrings remind me of a day out with my husband and my kid.

My ring was a payday gift from someone who loves me.

My bracelet came from a child who cared enough to want to replace something of mine that had broken.

These things are not just accessories.

They hold stories.

They remind me that I have been loved.

I Do Everything With Intention

Almost everything I do has intention behind it.

When I choose my journal for the night, I choose it intentionally.

I do not select a random word.

I choose the word that feels strongest.

I designed my office intentionally.

I took what could have been a second living room and made it mine.

I have my bookshelves.

My windows.

My desk.

And my desk could not be a normal desk.

Of course not.

I bought a tabletop and placed it over organizers because I wanted enough room to spread everything out.

I wanted storage.

I wanted everything to have a place.

I do so many things with intention.

Except talk to myself.

What If I Changed the Way I Spoke to Myself?

I do not wake up and immediately say something kind to myself.

I do not praise myself.

I do not tell myself that I am doing a good job.

I do not give myself credit for everything I am carrying.

What would happen if I changed that?

I am not saying my life would suddenly become perfect.

But it might feel drastically different if I learned to cheer myself on.

What if I congratulated myself when I did something well?

What if I acknowledged that it may not have been perfect, but I still did it?

It was still written.

It still counts.

Apparently, I Needed Permission for Tacos

Today, I wanted tacos.

Tacos are my go-to food.

I was not sad.

I was not upset.

Tacos just sounded good.

But for some reason, I felt like I needed an excuse to order them.

I asked my husband whether he was hungry.

I was secretly hoping he would say no.

Not because I did not want him to eat.

If he wanted food, I would need to order from a specific Mexican restaurant because of the way he likes his food prepared.

If it was only for me, I could simply order whatever I wanted.

He said he was not hungry and would probably eat later.

That was a later problem.

Still, I did not order my tacos.

I went into his office.

He was streaming and playing poker.

I did not want to interrupt him, so I started cleaning.

That is what I do when I am uncomfortable.

I clean.

Eventually, I told him I was hungry.

He asked what I wanted.

I said tacos.

He reminded me that we had food in the refrigerator.

We had Sloppy Joes.

I did not want Sloppy Joes.

We had eaten them the night before.

I wanted tacos.

Finally, I told him what I actually needed.

I said:

I need you to look at me and say, “You did a good job this week. You deserve tacos. Order yourself some tacos.”

So he repeated it.

I did not think he sounded like he meant it.

But I accepted it anyway.

Then I went back to my office and tried to order tacos.

Even that felt like too much work.

Opening the door to pick them up felt like too much work.

So I ate Sloppy Joes.

That is a lot of emotional labor for a taco.

Why Did I Need Someone Else to Approve My Celebration?

Why did I need my husband to tell me I had earned tacos?

I already knew what I had done that week.

I started a new job.

I love my client.

His parents are wonderful.

I enjoy going to work.

Between work shifts, I have been working on my book.

I have made new friends.

I have become a regular at a restaurant.

I am having a good week.

Why does someone else need to say it before I believe it?

Why does someone else need to give me permission to celebrate myself?

Waiting for Someone Else to Choose Me

I do this all the time.

I sit behind my phone waiting for someone to tell me they love me.

That they care about me.

That they are thinking about me.

It feels good when someone reaches out.

I am not pretending it does not.

But I want to reach a point where I enjoy my own presence too.

I want to look in the mirror and feel happy to see myself.

I want to feel proud when I accomplish something.

I want to go after what I need.

I want to say:

This is what I need.

This is my boundary.

This is what I will accept.

And if you cannot meet it, there is the door.

Instead, I often say:

Let me see what I can work out for you.

We Deserve to Cheer for Ourselves

We deserve to be our own biggest cheerleaders.

It may sound strange.

It may feel uncomfortable.

It may feel fake at first.

This is coming from the same person who recently complained about the way she looked.

Today, I am sitting here thinking:

These curls are popping.

The light is hitting just right.

My eyes look like they are sparkling.

My smile is bright.

I feel happy.

And I feel happy because I am finally giving myself credit where credit is due.

Stop Waiting for Someone to Notice

I do so many big and small things behind closed doors.

No one sees all of them.

And I sit around waiting for someone to notice.

I want someone to say:

She did that.

I did not expect her to pull that off.

But what if I stopped waiting?

What if I said:

I did that.

I knew I could do it.

I expected it from myself, and I followed through.

What would happen if we all celebrated ourselves before waiting for someone else to do it?

I Cheer for Everyone Else

I am good at cheering for my friends.

I can tell my best friend she is a great mother because she is.

She is raising two children.

She has a toddler and a school-aged child.

She struggles with her mental health and still gets up every day to take care of her family.

She is doing the damn thing.

But when was the last time she gave herself credit for that?

Another one of my best friends works hard every chance he gets.

He comes home exhausted.

He gets up the next morning and does it again.

He injured his toe and still went to work.

He may not have been happy about being there, but he still showed up.

Would he stop and tell himself:

I did that.

I did not want to be there, but I still showed up.

I am proud of myself.

Probably not.

We are good at seeing what other people deserve credit for.

We need to become just as good at seeing it in ourselves.

Showing Up Counts

We are all doing a good job.

The fact that we continue showing up for our own lives matters.

Sometimes showing up is hard.

Some days, simply getting out of bed is work.

Some days, going to your job when you do not want to deal with people is work.

Some days, taking care of your children while struggling inside is work.

Some days, making dinner, cleaning your house, or answering a phone call is work.

Give yourself credit.

Find the Thing You Do Well

I am proud of you.

I am proud of me.

And I hope you are proud of yourself.

If you are not currently doing something that makes you proud, do something different.

Find one thing you can look at and say:

I am fucking amazing at that.

Maybe you make an excellent grilled cheese sandwich.

Personally, I think grilled cheese tastes better when someone else makes it.

It is just bread, butter—or mayonnaise, depending on who is cooking—and cheese.

Yet somehow, it tastes better when another person makes it.

Maybe you are that person.

Maybe you clean your house better than anyone you know.

Maybe you can remember every lyric to every song you loved as a child.

Maybe you are good at making people laugh.

Maybe you are good at listening.

Maybe you show up when everyone else disappears.

Give yourself credit.

Start Small

Start small today.

Maybe your curls are popping.

Maybe your outfit fits perfectly.

Maybe you finished something you had been avoiding.

Maybe you spoke up for yourself.

Maybe you rested when your body needed rest.

Maybe you made someone smile.

Find something about yourself that you can celebrate.

Something you did.

Something you are capable of doing.

Something about the way you look.

Something about the person you are.

Then say:

I did that.

My Bite of Pie

My bite of pie today was recognizing that I do not have to feel negatively about everything I do.

I do good things.

I do big things.

I do small things.

I show up.

I am allowed to give myself credit for that.

Tomorrow, I want to wake up and tell myself:

You have got this.

This day has nothing on you.

You are going to make it through.

Then I want to get up and do exactly that.

Today is another page in the story. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

It just has to be written.

Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:

What was your bite of pie today?

Until tomorrow,

Love you loud.