Dear Elated Me: I Didn't Have to Sacrifice Myself to Make Other People Smile

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Have you ever had plans to do something and were just unsure how it was gonna go?

Like you knew that you had to do these things.

You were nervous about it.

And yet you still hoped they went well.

So I started my job today.

I Finally Started My Job

Yesterday we talked about how I was jittery.

I was nervous.

I didn't know if the kid was gonna like me or how I was gonna be perceived.

I didn't know what to wear.

I didn't know what to pack.

And so last night I sat here on my phone and on my computer probably way longer than I needed to.

I think I was just trying to keep my mind off of everything that was going on.

But eventually I got ready for bed.

And I was able to lay down and go right to sleep.

When my alarm went off this morning?

I was surprised at how easily I woke up.

I'm a Mom Before Anything Else

I had plans for how I was gonna do my morning.

Get dressed.

Get ready to go.

Then my kiddo and my husband were messaging me because my kiddo was having a hard morning.

That pushed my start time back.

But I'm a mom before anything else.

So I took care of that.

Put that fire out.

Then I got up and got dressed.

While I didn't leave when I wanted to leave this morning?

I still got out of the house at a pretty decent time.

I Was Already There, but Somehow I Was Late

I got out of the house.

Drove to work.

Got to work early.

Everything was falling into place so nicely.

I had breakfast.

I got to work.

And I couldn't find parking at all.

Mind you, I showed up to work at 7:45 this morning knowing I started at 8:15.

I was like:

Hey.

I have time to go get breakfast.

Went and got breakfast.

Got back.

Could not find parking.

So then I panicked.

Drove around.

Got really frustrated.

Because now I was late, essentially, for a time that I was supposed to already be there.

Although I was already there.

Then I finally parked my car.

And I was like:

If I have to move it?

I'll move it later.

And I went inside.

Everyone Was So Nice and Welcoming

Hi.

How are you?

Yes, we've been waiting for you.

Okay.

Well, let's do this.

I met my kiddo.

I met the people I needed to work with.

And my expectation and what actually happened?

Didn't match up.

That wasn't actually a bad thing.

Because I walked in expecting the worst.

I expected that I would have to deal with loads of behaviors.

All kinds of things.

That's my job.

I work with children on the spectrum.

We've learned to expect the unexpected.

And then expect some more.

Today Was Calm and It Was Fun

I was prepared.

I wore running shoes.

An outfit I could move in if I had to.

And that's not how today went.

Today was calm.

It was fun.

The teachers I got to meet were nice.

It was just a good day.

The drive into work wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be.

I have like an hour commute.

It's not actually an hour commute.

It's like 70 miles away.

But because it's the Bay Area?

Everything takes super long with traffic.

I had an hour commute coming back.

Blasted my music.

Sang at the top of my lungs.

Danced in my car while going over the bridge.

It was a really good day.

I Could Do This. I Could Make This Work.

I do need to figure out the details of how to make my day work.

Because I didn't eat lunch today.

Again, my thought process was:

I don't want to lose my parking spot.

I don't know where to go.

I don't want to be late.

So I just kind of sat in the lounge and scrolled on my phone.

But not in an I need to be distracted kind of way.

Just in an:

I could do this.

I can make this work.

And I had a really good day.

I smiled.

I laughed.

It felt good to get out of the house and go to work.

I've been dying to go to work.

Things were falling into place.

That was my day.

Nice.

Simple.

There's a piece of hair that's bugging me now.

Nice and simple.

Quick.

Easy.

My Podcast Is Equally as Important as My Day Job

I got my schedule.

My schedule's a bit wonky.

So I have to figure out where the podcast fits into it.

Because my podcast is equally as important as my day job.

It's my journal.

I'm still writing in it every night.

So I've gotta figure out where that happens in my day.

But I have plans to make sure it happens.

And I have plans to make sure I go to the gym.

I know that's gonna take the first spot in the morning.

Get up.

Go to the gym.

Then get ready for work.

For Once, Things Don't Feel Like They're Falling All Around Me

I've had this outlook that's bright and positive.

I'm excited.

I can't wait for everything to come together.

For once?

I don't feel like things are falling all around me.

It's nice.

It's peaceful.

And it makes me happy.

I'm waiting for dinner.

Because I don't know if I'm going to go get dinner with a friend.

Or if I'm just gonna order dinner here and go to bed.

The night's young.

It's only 6:30 here.

Plenty of time to decide before I wind down and prepare for tomorrow.

I Needed a Win Like This

I needed a day like this.

I needed a win like this.

Because I've been stressing about all the things I can't control.

And I'm really good at that.

I see a problem.

And my immediate thought is to fix it.

Not all problems can be fixed.

But because it's a problem?

I fixate on fixing it.

Which only makes my frustration worse.

So to have a day where it's just easygoing and relaxing?

The weather was gorgeous.

Actually, it was kind of hot today.

It was just what I needed.

I needed the chance to just be.

Smile.

Relax.

And I got that.

So Many Things Are Just Coming Together

I'm excited for this weekend.

That means I have the time off.

But also?

I think I'm gonna arrange some time with my family.

I'm excited about that.

So many things are just coming together.

And I'm ready to see where it goes.

I have some secret projects working in the back.

Because heaven forbid I should not take on extra work.

Right?

They're not really secrets.

I'm just waiting to see how they play out before I announce them.

And that's been my day.

When I should have relaxed?

Of course I did more stuff.

Hey. Work-Life Balance.

I will be working two jobs.

So I'm kind of excited about that.

I decided to set my schedule to where I work Monday through Friday.

My weekends?

They're my time with my friends and my family.

I'm putting forth a plan that says:

Hey.

Work-life balance.

And I'm not really good at that.

In the past?

I would have worked myself to death.

So for me to say:

Hey.

Your time is important to you.

It's growth on my part.

I'm Looking Forward to Learning More About Myself

I'm looking forward to learning more about myself.

I'm looking forward to smiling more.

Dancing more.

Singing more.

I'm looking forward to making friends.

I've decided I'd like to find a church while I'm out here.

We'll see how that goes.

I grew up religious.

I'm not as religious as I once was.

And that's just because there have been some concepts of things where I'm like:

That doesn't make any sense.

I don't know how that works.

I Question All the Things

I question all the things.

I've always questioned all the things.

That's who I am.

And I've found that at church?

They don't like for you to question all the things.

So I'm very cautious about putting my faith and my trust into something that doesn't make sense.

I just need it to add up.

Mathematics is my favorite subject.

Because things just add up.

I'm looking forward to exploring new avenues while I'm out here.

I'm Enjoying This Experience

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo.

I know my mom doesn't want me to.

She's like:

It's your body.

It was made by Christ.

I understand that.

It's not a big tattoo.

It's just a small one that I want.

Which is odd for me because I don't like needles.

I am just growing as a person.

And I know that I'm growing as a person.

I'm enjoying this experience.

I'm learning new things about me.

Things that I'm surprised by.

I can do harder things than I thought I could.

My Bite of Pie

My bite of pie today?

I smiled all day today.

I interacted with kiddos that weren't the one I was working with.

I interacted with teachers.

I was able to make other people smile today.

And I didn't have to sacrifice myself to do it.

I think that's the big one.

I am great at making people smile if I can sacrifice myself.

Today?

We all just smiled because it was a good day.

So if you're having a great day?

I love that for you.

If you're having a day where you're struggling and it's harder to get through it?

That's okay too.

You're more than welcome to be here in the circle.

I have days like that too.

I have days that are hard and difficult to get out of bed.

Where nothing seems to make sense.

Up and down.

Right and wrong.

All jumbled together.

I'm here for that.

I'm here to talk to you about it.

I'm here to listen to you.

No judgment.

This will be a judgment-free zone always.

Because life is hard enough without someone judging you for things that are just human nature.

That's all I got for today, guys.

Short.

Sweet.

To the point.

Today is another page in the story.

It does not have to be perfect.

It just has to be written.

Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:

What was your bite of pie today?

Until tomorrow,

Love you loud.