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How do you act?
When you get sick?
Are you a:
Leave me alone?
Kind of person?
Are you a:
Take care of me?
Kind of person?
When I get sick?
I turn into?
A huge baby.
I want to be held?
Until I fall asleep.
And then?
I want you?
To randomly check on me.
That's just?
How my brain works.
I just want?
To be taken care of.
And it doesn't matter?
How badly I'm sick.
Like?
It could just be:
I have a headache.
Love me.
Today Has Been a Day
Today?
Has been a day.
Last night?
I went to bed early?
Because my head was pounding.
I am not a person?
Who likes to overmedicate.
So I said:
You know what?
I will just go to bed early?
And reset.
So then?
I woke up?
With a headache.
And I said:
It's okay.
I'll be fine.
I'm gonna just?
Power through it.
You Don’t Look So Good
And I went to work.
And as I'm sitting?
In my first class?
The aide walks over?
And she goes:
You don't look so good.
Nope.
My head is pounding.
So?
She offered me some medicine.
I took it.
And that's how I know?
When things are bad for me.
If I voluntarily take medicine?
For something like a headache?
Please believe?
That it's at its peak.
At No Point Did My Headache Let Up
So I take the medicine?
And I'm waiting?
For it to kick in.
And at no point?
Did my headache let up today.
My head?
Has been pounding?
All day long.
Okay.
So I'm dealing with that.
And I'm driving home?
And all of a sudden?
I feel extremely nauseous.
Every Bump in the Road
And it's not unusual?
To feel nauseous?
With like a migraine.
But this?
Was one of those:
Every bump in the road?
I felt like?
I was going to actually vomit.
I don't typically vomit.
That's not a thing?
That I do.
It's very rare?
That I actually vomit.
But today?
I looked several times?
For a way out?
To the side of the road?
Just in case.
That's how bad?
I was feeling.
Did I Go to the Doctor? No.
I didn't vomit.
I made it safely home.
Did I go to the doctor?
No.
Have I made a doctor's appointment?
Also?
No.
I don't enjoy?
Going to the doctor's office.
Namely because?
They like to poke me with needles.
And I don't like needles.
And I haven't yet established?
A doctor out here.
So?
That's part of it.
And I really didn't want?
To go sit at urgent care?
For like?
Hours on end?
For something?
That isn't that big of a deal?
As far as I was concerned.
I’ve Been Complaining Since the 12th
But then?
I was wondering:
How long have I been complaining?
That I feel nauseous?
And so?
I looked up the information.
I've been complaining?
Since the 12th?
Of this month.
And for the last eight days?
I've had a headache.
So?
I'm not getting better.
No idea?
What's going on.
I Thought It Was Just a Head Cold
There's no reason?
Why I should be feeling sick.
I thought?
It was just like?
A head cold.
And that I was done with that.
I had the snuffles.
I had a stuffy nose.
And that's all?
Essentially gone away.
I don't know?
What's wrong.
And I know?
I'm going to have to go?
To the doctor.
We've gotta—
We're gonna have to see somebody.
But?
I don't wanna see anybody.
I Avoid It
It's not—
I don't like being told?
What's wrong with me.
So?
I avoid it.
It's not that?
I think there's anything?
Severely wrong.
I think?
It's that time of the year?
Where people get sick.
Especially again?
When you work at a school.
I just don't know?
If that would cause?
Nausea for 17 days.
Or?
A headache for eight.
The Noise Felt Like It Was Right There in My Ear
So?
I am pushing through?
The best way?
I know how.
It was to the point?
Where I was on the phone?
With Jason.
And he's watching?
A football game.
And the noise?
Coming from his phone?
Just felt like?
It was right there?
In my ear.
It's just bad.
And I don't know why.
I don't know why.
I don't like it.
I’m Sick of Going to Bed While It’s So Light Outside
I am sick?
Of going to bed?
While it's so light outside.
But?
Outside of going to the doctor?
That's all I can do.
I guess?
I could call my sister?
Or my brother?
And say:
Hey.
Can one of you take me?
I don't want to do that.
I Just Suffer Through It
I'm a very—
Quiet person.
Which is odd?
Because I do Dear Journal.
Right?
I don't let?
A lot of people know?
A lot of things.
I'm very close?
To the chest.
And I don't want?
To have to explain?
Why I'm going to the doctor?
Or why I feel sick.
Like?
I don't want?
To have those conversations.
So?
I just suffer through it.
That's what I'm doing.
It’s Right Behind My Eye
Even as I sit here?
Right now?
It's like?
Right here?
Behind my eye.
But I can feel it?
Moving?
Across my forehead.
I will probably?
Do something about it tomorrow?
If this is how?
I'm still feeling.
I hope not.
I hope?
That I feel better.
Energetic?
Like myself.
I could really use?
A day?
Where I feel like myself.
My Bite of Pie
My Bite of Pie today?
That I didn't complain.
I made it through the day.
So first class?
Was rough.
I managed to make it?
Through all the other classes?
Just fine.
I still interacted?
With my kiddos.
I played racquetball.
Like?
I did the things?
That I needed to do.
I Didn’t Let It Be the Reason I Didn’t Show Up
I didn't let it?
Be the reason?
Why I didn't show up?
And do my job today.
And while?
That doesn't necessarily sound?
Like something that should be?
My Bite of Pie?
I am very proud?
Of being able to say:
If something's not horrible?
Let me work through it.
And I'm glad?
I did that.
Like?
I'm glad I don't just say:
My gosh.
Something hurts.
And that's that.
I'm not—
I try not?
To be that person.
So for me?
That's my Bite of Pie today.
I Just Need to Figure Out What’s Going On With My Health
Anything else that's happened?
No.
I promise?
When I start to feel better?
We'll get back into?
Our regular routine?
Of me doing everything?
With Dear Journal.
I just need?
To figure out?
What's going on?
With my health.
I'm really hoping?
It's nothing.
Because?
I don't know?
If I could take?
More of a hit?
Right now?
With everything else?
Going on in life.
I mean?
Things need to just—
Be easy.
I Got Off Work Early Today
So?
That has been my day.
I did get off work?
Early today.
So that was?
Really exciting.
I wasn't expecting it.
And then?
Apparently tomorrow?
We have a short day.
So?
That's kind of cool.
I don't yet?
Have plans?
For the weekend.
I think?
We're gonna play that by ear?
Depending?
On how I feel.
I'd like?
To go do something?
And not sit?
In my room?
All day long.
But?
We will see.
I Don’t Know Yet How I’m Writing That Story
I don't know how I'm yet—
I don't know yet?
How I'm writing that story.
It's a work in progress.
I'm also working?
On another project?
With Jason.
Which?
I'm kind of excited about.
So there are things happening.
There are things moving.
I just have to get?
My strength up?
To complete it all?
Without stressing myself out.
I Have to Learn How to Take Care of Myself
And?
I have to learn?
How to do that?
Without resorting back?
To the cuddle monster?
I like to be.
Because?
I'm by myself.
I don't have anyone?
To take care of me.
And to cuddle me.
And check in on me?
Like that.
That is not?
A thing right now.
So?
I get to be?
A big girl.
And take care?
Of myself?
And my own needs.
Instead of being?
A big baby about it.
And dragging my feet?
And hoping someone just says:
Okay.
Let's go to the doctor.
That’s My Life Today
So?
That's—
That's my life today.
It's probably more exciting?
Than I'm explaining right now.
Again?
I apologize.
My head is killing me.
But I did want?
To make sure?
That I did my journal tonight.
I hope?
That wherever you are?
You feel ten times better?
Than I do.
That you're able?
To relax?
And enjoy your day.
And you're not ill?
Or worried?
About what shoe?
Is gonna drop next.
And that you just remember:
Today is another page in the story.
It does not have to be perfect.
It just has to be written.
Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:
What was your bite of pie today?
Until tomorrow,
Love you loud.
