Dear Busy Me: When “I Don’t Have Time” Really Means “I’m Afraid”

Listen to the Episode

Prefer listening? Hear the full Dear Journal conversation here.

Do you ever wake up already exhausted by everything you need to do?

You have the same twenty-four hours everyone else has, but somehow your list feels like it requires at least forty-eight.

I feel like that is the story of my life.

I go to bed with a list of everything I need to accomplish the next day running through my head.

Then I wake up, remember the list, and immediately feel overwhelmed.

How am I supposed to fit all of this into one day?

I have to eat.

I have to sleep.

Those are the bare minimum.

I have to take care of myself.

The dogs.

My family.

I have a job.

I have goals.

Ambitions.

Hobbies.

A business.

Books I want to write.

Products I want to publish.

How exactly is all of that supposed to fit inside twenty-four hours?

When the List Never Ends

Today, the list felt especially long.

I had someone coming to mow the lawn.

I needed to enroll my kid in school.

I had to figure out dinner.

I needed to make sure my kid got to an appointment.

We needed paperwork from the school.

I still needed to work on my books.

I needed to publish the journal.

I had new ideas rolling around in my head.

And somewhere in all of that, I was tired.

I wanted a nap.

Sometimes the problem is not that we are doing nothing.

The problem is that we are trying to hold every responsibility in our minds at the same time.

Everything feels urgent because everything is present.

Giving Myself Permission to Rest

I went to work today, and my husband dropped me off.

After he picked me up, the three of us went to breakfast.

We sat down.

We ate.

We relaxed for a little while.

Then I got my coffee.

On the way home, my brain went right back to reviewing everything I needed to complete.

When I got home, I put my things away.

I fed the dogs.

I took them outside.

I checked the mail.

Then I said:

I am going to lie down.

I need a nap.

So I did.

I slept longer than I intended.

Normally, that could have become another reason to criticize myself.

You slept too long.

You wasted time.

Look at everything you could have completed.

Instead, I gave myself grace.

Clearly, I needed the rest.

My body asked for something, and I listened.

That was not wasted time.

That was taking care of myself.

What Actually Needs My Attention?

When I woke up, I asked myself what truly needed to be done.

At the top of my list was Dear Journal.

I sat down and asked myself what I was feeling.

What was the strongest feeling today?

Busy.

I felt busy.

But while processing how busy I felt, I realized something.

I can only take one bite at a time.

I cannot do everything all the time.

No matter how long the list becomes, I still only have the ability to complete one thing in each moment.

The Important Things Were Already Fine

I started mentally reviewing the things I was worried about.

Did everyone have food?

Yes.

There were leftovers.

There was food in the refrigerator.

There were simple things anyone could prepare if they became hungry.

Were the dogs okay?

Yes.

They had eaten.

They had water.

They had gone outside.

They were relaxing and had access to everything they needed.

Was my husband okay?

Yes.

He had taken a nap and then gotten up to work.

Was my child okay?

Yes.

He was in his room.

Everyone was fine.

The important things had already been handled.

That meant I did not need to obsess over everything else on the list.

What Is Actually Essential?

For me, the most important things are myself, my family, my pets, and the responsibilities that keep our lives functioning.

I have to go to work.

I need to earn money so the bills can be paid.

I need to make sure there is food in the house.

I need to make sure the people and animals who depend on me are cared for.

Those things matter.

I would also love to sit down and read a book.

I would love to spend hours on my hobbies.

I would love to work on every idea that enters my head.

But those are wants.

They are important to me, but they are not always emergencies.

Recognizing the difference helps.

Planning Sounds Like More Work

Once the necessary things are identified, the next step is planning.

That sounds simple.

And once you start, it can be.

But when you are already overwhelmed, planning feels like one more thing being added to the list.

Now, in addition to everything else, I have to figure out how to organize everything else.

That is where we often lose the plot.

We become so overwhelmed by everything we have to do that we never stop long enough to decide how we are going to do it.

Then the lack of a plan makes the work feel even bigger.

Maybe I Need a Planner

Naturally, my brain decided a planner might solve the problem.

I have owned planners before.

I am decent at writing appointments and work obligations in them.

They are especially useful for keeping track of meetings and supervision.

But beyond that, I do not always use them consistently.

The planner also needs to be pretty.

If I am going to carry it around, I want to enjoy looking at it.

Realistically, a small planner would probably work best for me.

But do I want the small, practical one?

Of course not.

I want the giant, beautiful one that can hold everything I could possibly need.

Will I use all of it?

Probably not.

Do I still want it?

Absolutely.

Of Course I Thought About Making My Own

While thinking about what kind of planner I wanted, my brain offered the most predictable solution possible:

Make your own.

Because apparently, when I already have too many things to do, my natural response is to create another project.

But the idea genuinely interested me.

Could I create a planner for a neurodivergent brain like mine?

One that says:

Slow down.

You have several things to do, but this is the most important one right now.

Could it make space for emotions without allowing them to take over the entire day?

Could it help someone separate urgent tasks from things that can wait?

Could I create something useful for people whose minds work like mine?

I do not know.

But I am willing to think about it.

Making Space Instead of Finding Time

I often say I need to find time.

But time is not hiding from me.

I have the same amount every day.

What I really need to do is decide where the time will go.

I have two regular days off.

I also have a three-hour break between parts of my workday.

My current plan has been to use that break to work on my book.

What if I spent an hour and a half working on the book and another hour and a half developing the planner idea?

If I finish something, great.

If I do not, that is also okay.

I am one person.

I cannot punish myself for failing to complete every challenge in the world.

Sometimes Your Brain Is Simply Full

It is okay to admit:

My brain is busy today.

I do not have the space for this right now.

That does not mean the idea is bad.

It does not mean you are lazy.

It does not mean you will never do it.

It means your capacity is limited today.

We give our schedules more credit than we give our minds.

Sometimes there are technically open hours, but no emotional or mental space available to use them well.

That matters too.

I Was Not Too Busy to Launch the Journal

There is something I have been avoiding.

My journal is ready.

It is finished.

It is ready to be put on the market.

And I keep delaying it.

I keep telling myself I am too busy.

There are too many other things happening.

I do not have time.

But today, I realized that was not entirely true.

I am not too busy.

I am nervous.

Busy Is Sometimes a Safer Word Than Scared

It is easier to say:

I did not have time.

That sounds responsible.

It sounds understandable.

It sounds outside of my control.

It is harder to say:

I was afraid to do it.

I was scared no one would buy it.

I was afraid to put something meaningful to me in front of other people and let them decide what they thought about it.

Busy sounded better.

But calling fear by another name did not make it disappear.

It only allowed me to avoid the thing longer.

The Journal Is Good

The worst thing that can happen is that no one buys it.

That would hurt.

But it would not erase the work.

The journal was made with love.

I worked hard on it.

I thought through the questions.

I designed them intentionally.

I created something I believe is useful.

It is a good product.

I am proud of it.

I am not too busy to release it.

I am afraid to release it.

Those are two very different problems.

Doing the Thing Frees Up Space

Sometimes we feel busier because one unfinished task is taking up more mental space than it deserves.

Every time I think about my business, I remember that the journal still needs to be published.

Every time I think about the journal, I remember I am avoiding it.

The task follows me even when I am not working on it.

Publishing it will not only complete the task.

It will free up the space the fear has been occupying.

Then maybe I can work on something else.

Maybe I can read.

Maybe I can take a bath.

Maybe I can relax with the dogs.

Maybe I can lie in the coolest room in the house and dream about the next idea.

Sometimes Overwhelm Is Avoidance

I become less busy when I complete the thing that has been weighing me down.

I also become less overwhelmed when I recognize what I am actually feeling.

My brain told me I was busy.

The truth was that I was scared.

Instead of doing the scary thing and removing it from my list, I kept adding new things.

That gave me more reasons not to do it.

Sometimes creating more work is a form of avoidance.

If I am busy planning another product, organizing another idea, or creating another list, then I do not have to risk releasing the finished one.

Be Nervous and Do It Anyway

I am excited to take the first step.

I am excited to put myself out there.

I am also scared.

Those feelings can exist together.

I do not have to stop being nervous before I act.

Sometimes the goal is not to become fearless.

The goal is to be afraid and do the thing anyway.

Life is full of difficult choices.

We are going to have to do hard things.

The real decision is choosing which hard thing matters most.

Choose Your Hard

Exercising can be hard.

Changing the way you eat can be hard.

Taking care of your body can be hard.

But living every day feeling unhappy with yourself is also hard.

Which hard do you prefer?

Publishing the journal is hard because it requires vulnerability.

Avoiding the journal is hard because it keeps the fear hanging over me.

Today, I am choosing the hard thing that moves me forward.

I am choosing to publish.

Tell Yourself the Truth About the Feeling

I want to become better at naming what I actually feel.

Not the feeling that sounds more acceptable.

Not the explanation that lets me avoid responsibility.

The truth.

Maybe I am not too busy.

Maybe I have enough time to complete the thing that matters to me.

Maybe I am overwhelmed because I have not decided what matters most.

Maybe I am afraid because the thing is important.

And maybe I deserve to give that important thing my attention.

You might deserve that too.

What Is Really Stopping You?

Look at the thing on your list that keeps getting pushed back.

What explanation do you give yourself?

I am too busy.

I do not have enough time.

I need to prepare more.

I will do it when everything else is finished.

Now ask yourself whether that is the full truth.

Are you busy?

Or are you scared?

Are you overwhelmed?

Or are you avoiding a decision?

Are you unprepared?

Or are you waiting for a version of perfection that will never come?

It may truly be a time problem.

But it may be something else.

It is worth asking.

Make the List Honest

Write down what you want to accomplish.

Then place the tasks in order of importance.

What must happen today?

What needs to happen soon?

What would be nice to complete?

What can wait?

We often put things on our daily lists that do not actually belong there.

Every idea does not need immediate action.

Every task is not an emergency.

Every goal does not have to be completed today.

An honest list makes room for an honest life.

My Bite of Pie

My bite of pie today is putting my journal out into the world.

Getting it listed.

Letting it exist beyond my computer and my plans.

I am scared.

I am nervous.

I am excited.

But I am not too busy.

I am choosing the hard thing that brings me closer to what I want.

And when it is done, I can breathe.

I can celebrate.

I can make room for the next thing without carrying this unfinished fear with me.

So make your list.

Get unbusy.

Do the things that matter to you.

Choose your hard.

Today is another page in the story. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

It just has to be written.

Before you close your journal tonight, ask yourself:

What was your bite of pie today?

Until tomorrow,

Love you loud.